


Ghost

by roseannedarcy



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Drama, F/M, Fluff, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2016-01-12
Packaged: 2018-05-10 04:55:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5571855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roseannedarcy/pseuds/roseannedarcy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daryl breaks Beth's heart, and she leaves town to pursue her dream of becoming a famous singer. When two years pass, and her family needs her, Beth returns to the farm, knowing that she had never stopped loving him. Even after what he'd done.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

No one would ever understand their relationship, and frankly, Daryl doesn't understand it either. What made a bright, sweet and young girl like Beth fall in love with him will always remain the million-dollar question. Holding her at nights, while she sleeps with her head resting on his shoulder, Daryl wonders what he would do the day Beth realises she made the biggest mistake in her life and leaves him. He never finds himself doubting the inevitability of that. Being with her, touching her, falling in love with her; it feels so good that it doesn't seem real. Daryl is not used to anything good happening to him, so this thing with Beth is going to end and he doesn't know if he will be strong enough to pick up the pieces. He decides not to let it go too far; always stays detached, never letting himself open up completely and never trusting his feelings. Daryl always found it easier to prevent things from happening, rather than cleaning up the mess afterwards.

Beth notices it; it seems like she always knows how he feels. She keeps saying that she loves him, that she will never leave him and that he is stuck with her forever (or as long as he wants to). Daryl knows she is not lying and believes that she believes in her words, but is always prepared for her to wake up one morning and tell him she was wrong. And he knows he will let her go because he will agree with her; it was wrong of her to love him.

Beth always wanted to sing on the stage and when she graduates from the community college with a degree in music, her cousin in California offers her to come and try her luck there. When Beth tells Daryl about it, the realization hits him hard. The beautiful fairy-tale he has almost gotten used to is coming to an end because he knows he will never be good enough. So Daryl does what he does best – pushes her out. He tells her he is letting her go, that she should leave their town where nothing ever happens and make the whole world fall at her feet. He knows he is making a right choice; that she will be better off without him. Or at least that's what he tells himself. As to his feelings, he realises that nothing like this will ever happen to him again and… well, he will have to learn to live without her.

Beth refuses (as Daryl suspected she would); she refuses to leave him and says she will never be happy if he is not there with her. So Daryl does the only thing he can think of; he tells her he doesn't want her. That he liked spending time with her, but it would have never grown into anything serious anyway; and when saying that, he can see tears glistening in her eyes, and with his heart thrumming away in pain in his chest, he answers the question she wants to ask. That it has never been real; meant nothing to him.

Beth doesn't feel the need to hide her tears, so she lets them fall down her cheeks as she walks out of Daryl's house, closing the door quietly behind her. And as Daryl watches her leave, he wonders if it is him who has made the biggest mistake in his life.

* * *

It has been two years, and Beth finally feels good about coming home. She has missed Maggie, she has missed Shawn, but most of all, she has missed her daddy. She knows coming home wouldn't be easy, especially considering on what note she left – throwing her clothes in a suitcase and barely saying good-byes to the people she grew up around – but she knows she wants to return. Her family needs her, and Beth values family above everything, so when Maggie calls her and says that daddy has gotten into a car accident and has lost his leg, she doesn't even take time to think about it. Beth knows that means they need her to come back, even though Maggie will never ask her for it, not even presuming to be the person to make her choose. Beth doesn't take long time preparing; she just packs her stuff and leaves, just like she did two years ago. Beth has always known what she wanted, but she will never trade her family's happiness for it.

The farm greets her with familiar peaceful silence, only trees rustling in summer breeze. It is early, but Beth knows everyone is awake, considering that life at the farm starts with dawn. She closes the door and, immediately hearing quick footsteps, turns abruptly. She meets Maggie's embrace and desperately tries not to cry, but fails and just gives up, letting heavy tears run down her cheeks. For the first time in two years, she feels home and feeling Maggie's sobs and her tears soaking the fabric of her dress, she realises just how much she missed it.

'I'm sorry,' Maggie says, pulling away reluctantly and wiping her cheeks, while her smile gets brighter. 'I'm such a wreck.'

'Me too,' Beth lets out a nervous laugh. 'I missed you so much,' she says and she is sincere.

Maggie has always been her best friend and closest confidant. When she started seeing Glenn, the guy who delivers pizzas in their town, Beth was the first one to find out, and she solemnly swore to keep it a secret from daddy, even though she hates lying to him. Maggie is the only person in her whole family who knows about Daryl and, consequently, the real reason for Beth's sudden disappearance, while everyone else still believes she just followed her dream. The fact that it is partly true makes Beth feel a tiny little bit better.

'Thank God you're back,' Maggie says and, taking her hand, pulls her towards the house. 'Daddy is really happy about it too, so you should see him right now.'

'How is he?' Beth can't help but ask, knowing that her father will always tell her he is alright, afraid of burdening his daughter or causing any regret.

'He's doing well,' Maggie nods slightly, not sounding too sure. 'The doctors said he would recover quickly. Well… to certain extent.'

Beth understands what her sister is saying. Her father's health might recover, but the feeling of helplessness will stay forever. Hershel was never been the person to sit in the house doing nothing, he has always been busy at the farm, and now he will be much less useful. Beth knows it will bother him.

'Where is Shawn?' asks Beth, missing her brother's bear hug desperately.

'He's picking up Jenny at the airport. She's been gone for a week – went to see her family in Chicago,' Maggie explains and opens the screen door. Beth likes Shawn's girlfriend and is happy they are still together, after five years of relationship.

As Beth steps into the house, she can sense all the feelings she had when leaving this place return. She likes to think she has recovered from her heartbreak, but deep down she knows that it is impossible. Beth is tired of reminding herself that it was naïve of her to expect a grown man like Daryl to become attached to a girl like her on a deep level in the first place, but every time she remembers the last words he said to her – that she meant _nothing_ to him – she feels her heart sting. The pain never left, Beth just learned to live with it.

When she comes in, Hershel sits in his bed – a glass of water and medicine on his nightstand – reading a thick book with dark cover. Beth doesn't care to read the title; she is too busy trying to hold the tears again.

'Daddy,' she whispers and sprints towards him, throwing herself into his embrace, trying to take control of her sobs.

'Bethy,' he says, hugging her tightly. 'No need to cry, doodlebug. Your old man is still alive and tougher than many would think.'

Those words make Beth's sobs even louder. She can't stop thinking that while he could have died, she was too busy singing her songs at the other side of the continent. She could have lost him forever. Two years ago could have been the last time she had seen him.

'I'm so glad you're alright, daddy,' she says, her shoulders shaking slightly in sobs as she refuses to break the hug.

When they pull away from each other, Beth sits on the edge of the bed, lowering her gaze timidly, feeling so guilty and having no strength to look into her father's eyes.

'I'm glad you're home, Bethy,' he repeats Maggie's words, and Beth feels another tear run down her cheek. She has been so selfish and will never stop blaming herself. 'How long are you going to stay for?'

Beth feels something tighten in her chest. Her family is not expect her to stay, thinking her career is more important to her.

'I'm not going anywhere, daddy,' Beth stutters, finally gathering the courage to meet her father's eyes. 'I'm going to stay and help Maggie and Shawn take care of the farm.'

Her father is quiet for a few moments, and that gets Beth worried.

'We love you, doodlebug, and this will always be your home, but we couldn't possibly expect you to sacrifice everything you had built in California.'

Those words make Beth feel like she is the worst daughter in the world.

'If leaving that behind means being here when my family needs me, I'll be happy to pay that price, daddy.'

Hershel breaks into a small smile and shakes his head. Beth knows he is hesitant, not wanting her to make decisions she will come to regret. He doesn't understand though, that it isn't just about them needing her, but also about Beth needing them. Running away didn't heal her broken heart, so maybe being with her family, helping them and feeling like she is useful will appear be the cure. She doesn't know but is willing to take that chance.

Beth knows Daryl still lives in town. He has never been the sort of person to move places, plus Maggie has told Beth about seeing him from time to time, whether it was a grocery store or the diner. Beth decides, however, that she will cross that bridge when she comes to it. Maybe seeing him with another woman will help her forget him once and for all.

After Beth settles back into her bedroom, where everything was left the way it was two years ago, Maggie takes her grocery shopping. They don't really need two people to do it, but it is a nice way of spending some time together, and God knows how much they need to catch up on. When pushing the shopping cart, going through the shopping list and talking about everything and nothing, Beth feels like last two years never happened.

'How's everything with Glenn?' Beth asks, feeling excited to hear what she missed.

'It's good,' Maggie says simply, but the way she blushes and breaks into a shy smile tells Beth that everything is much better than just good, and it makes her smile with delight. Maggie deserves someone like that in her life. 'Don't forget the vanilla flavour,' she is reminded by Maggie when they come up to the freezer and start looking through all ice-creams. Beth smiles; no one in their family likes vanilla ice cream apart from Glenn.

When looking through the spices, Beth drops a pack of bay leaves on the floor and squats to pick it up. Putting it back onto the shelf, she turns to ask Maggie's advice when she sees Daryl. He is standing a few feet away, watching her carefully, and the second she notices him, she feels an urge to run. Her heart is racing in her chest, and Beth tries to calm down, reminding herself to stay mature. The amount of strength it takes her to stay in place and smile at Daryl, her eyes meeting his, is ridiculous. Daryl looks like he always did; in his shirt with the sleeves cut off and a vest with angel wings. He looks dirty, but there is always something about it that she finds extremely attractive. Something domestic. He doesn't return the smile, just continues looking at her as if he sees a ghost, so she waves at him.

'Hi,' she says so quietly she doubts he heard it, but something in his eyes tells her that he did.

Maggie excuses herself, suddenly being in a desperate need to find a very specific type of cornflakes, and they are left alone. As it is only eight o'clock, the store is empty and quiet.

Beth looks at him, her heart clamouring for escape inside her.

'Didn't know you were back in town.'

His words are quiet and unexpected, but Beth is still happy he said something. And immediately feels like a complete idiot for it.

'I've only arrived two hours ago,' she says and doesn't add anything to that. She decides to let him do the talking. If he is interested in it, of course.

'Heard about your pops,' Daryl says and Beth freezes. 'I'm sorry.'

Beth doesn't know what to say to that. After his confession two years ago, it would be stupid to think that he cares. If he doesn't, he is the biggest hypocrite she's ever met.

'Thank you,' she goes for the simple answer.

The silence returns, and Beth can't help but feel desperate when she realises that she has missed him no matter what. She has even missed not talking to him, communicating with their eyes instead of words.

'I have to go and find Maggie,' Beth says, not knowing what else to do. Just being around him is too painful, knowing that he will never see her in the way she sees him. 'We can't leave daddy alone for too long,' she feels the need to explain and calls herself and idiot once more. It's not like he is interested anyway. He is probably only talking to her to be polite. Or because he pities her. 'It was nice seeing you, Daryl.'

No matter how much Beth wants her last words to be a lie, she really is happy to see him. Even if it doesn't mean anything and even if it is just for a minute.

Daryl doesn't say anything in return, but Beth doesn't expect him to. Instead, she turns around and heads in the opposite direction from him, the thought of finding Maggie in the back of her mind and her heart clenching with pain.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank you for your response to the first chapter. I really do appreciate it.

'How are you feeling this morning, daddy?' Beth asks, putting a plate with breakfast on the nightstand and then giving Hershel a quick kiss on the forehead.

'Thank you, doodlebug, I feel much better now that all my children are here. How's everything at the farm?'

Beth smiles; her daddy will never let his physical condition stop things on the farm from running smoothly.

'Everything's fine, but there is one problem,' Beth admits. 'Otis tried to start the pickup this morning and said that he'd rather walk all the way to Atlanta, than ever touch this damn thing again,' she mimics Otis' annoyed tone.

Hershel smiles. 'It's true, it's been skittish for quite some time now,' he pauses. 'Tell Otis to tow it to the garage down town.'

'Otis left; he said he couldn't waste any time, so he took his SUV to go to Atlanta,' Beth explaines.

'Would you do it then, Bethy?'

'But daddy, I don't know how to use the tow,' she find a pathetic excuse, her heart hammering inside her chest. Garage is the place she has to avoid at all cost. 'Maybe Shawn or Maggie…'

'I sent Shawn to Woodbury to get fertilizers from the fair. And Maggie has to stay here to take care of Nellie,' Hershel says and Beth knows there is no point in arguing any further. Everyone is busy and she is just being a spoiled brat. Hershel seems to have noticed her frightened expression. 'Bethy, is there a problem?' he asks concerned.

'No, daddy. No problem. I'll do it,' she says, deciding to man up and do something to help her family for once.

'Thank you, doodlebug.'

Beth sighs heavily when leaving Hershel's bedroom and, walking up to the pickup truck, she looks at the keys in her hand. She takes a deep breath. She can do it, it's not the end of the world. It is Saturday, maybe he is not even there.

'You don't have to do it, Beth,' she hears Maggie's voice and shakes her head, forcing a soft smile.

'I do, Maggie,' she turns around to face her sister, who is standing a few feet away from her, wearing gloves and holding a bucket. Maggie is so good at this. Frankly, she is good at everything; being a good daughter, responsibly taking care of the farm, dating a guy daddy would actually approve of, and most importantly, being strong. Beth can't do any of this things. 'I'll be living here now and eventually I will have to face him anyway. It is a small town, after all.'

'Yeah, but…' Maggie takes a step closer and puts the bucket on the ground. 'I just don't want you to be hurt, Bethy. What he did to you-'

'I'll be fine,' Beth cuts her off. 'And I'd really appreciate it if we could never discuss this again.'

Feeling guilty for talking to her in such manner, Beth lowers her eyes to the ground. Thankfully, Maggie doesn't seem to take it personally.

'Sure,' she shrugs and looks at the pickup truck. 'Just let me help you with the tow, okay?'

* * *

Beth decides she is not a little scared girl anymore, who is desperately seeking for a reason to live (like she has been when she met Daryl). There is no reason why she should be worried or even reluctant to go to the garage. She is a grown woman and can face the man who broke her heart. Beth is sure she can do it.

Nevertheless, she finds herself hoping that he isn't there. Even though something tells her she can't be that lucky.

As it is Saturday, the garage is pretty much empty; with only two mechanics available. Beth comes up to the secretary, and Amy smiles at her.

'Beth!' she exclaims, getting up and giving her a tight hug. 'So nice to see you. When did you come back?'

'Two days ago,' Beth shrugs and smiles timidly.

'How long are you staying for?' Amy seems to be sincerely happy to see her, and it makes Beth warm up to her a little, even though they never shared a friendly relationship; Amy has always liked Daryl and Beth was too jealous to be nice to her.

'Indefinitely,' she decides to go for a short answer, not willing to go into details.

'Well, isn't that good new?' Amy beams. 'Listen. We should go and have lunch together sometime soon. We haven't talked in ages!'

'Sure,' Beth gives her head a nod, starting to feel awkward. There is something strange about Amy's sudden affection towards her.

They are both quiet for a few moments.

'Oh, sorry!' Amy slaps herself on the forehead. 'How can we help you?'

Beth is grateful she decided to show some professionalism.

'Our farm pickup truck won't start. Jimmy tried to fix it, but now he is gone for the weekend and he didn't really know what he was doing anyway. So, if someone could take a look, that would be nice. The sooner, the better.' She struggles to give Amy a smile and keeps reminding herself to be polite. Besides, she has no right to be pissed off with the girl, she is not Daryl's girlfriend anymore.

'Sure. One of our mechanics is busy with another client right now, so is it okay if Daryl helps you, or would you like to wait?'

Those words irritate Beth. Obviously, Amy has known that she and Daryl broke up, and Beth suddenly feels claustrophobic; like privacy is too much to ask for in this town.

What if… At the thought of Daryl having a relationship with Amy, Beth shudders. He wouldn't, right?

Then she looks at Amy and thinks, why wouldn't he? Amy is pretty, nice and has always been somewhere around. Everyone knows she has a crush on Daryl. Beth tries to stop her mind from wondering in that direction. She doesn't want to think of it; it hurts too much.

'No, that's fine. Daryl can take a look,' she hears herself say and suddenly feels proud for being so mature. For being bigger than this.

'Of course. Give me a minute.'

Amy disappears in the building and Beth tries to stop herself from letting out a heavy sigh.

* * *

Daryl is quiet, which does not surprise Beth in the slightest. He was never a talker, but the fact that he seems to frown more than he ever did while looking under the hood of the pickup, makes Beth feel extremely self-conscious. Obviously, he doesn't want to have anything to do with her, why would he enjoy fixing her car?

It took Beth a few minutes to realise that she misses times when he was be working, and she would just talk to him. Even when they were together, he wouldn't talk much, but Beth knew he was always listening. So, she would ramble endlessly, telling him about her day or just remembering funny stories from her childhood and back from when her mother was alive. Much to her disappointment, she realises that she wants that again. Wants him to care and to listen, if not talk.

She refuses to think that maybe he was never interested after all.

'How are you, Daryl?' Beth finds herself asking him, even though she didn't plan on saying anything at all.

He freezes when he hears that, his hand still holding one of the cables.

'Everything's good,' his answer is short and then he continues working, not looking up at her once.

Beth feels like a fool for expecting him to say something more than that. She has no right to expect him to talk to her at all. She remembers how her mother used to say that not everyone would like her, and that there is nothing wrong with that. But the obvious displeasure written on Daryl's face makes her feel miserable and want to be even more persistent. Maybe, if she is nice enough, he will at least stop hating her.

She refuses to think about the fact that she shouldn't care.

'How is Merle?' she asks the first thing that pops into her mind, regretting it instantly, remembering how Daryl never liked talking about his brother. He always explained it by saying that there was nothing to be proud about; having a brother like that.

'He's fine. Back in jail.'

'Do you miss him?' the question flies off her lips before she can get herself to keep quiet. Now Daryl does look up at her, and with that, Beth can't help but shudder with fear because of how intense his look is. Like he wants to snap her neck to get her to shut up. Unsurprisingly, he doesn't answer her question and lowers his eyes, getting on with the inspection of whatever is that cars have under their hoods. Beth feels the need to make the situation less tense. 'I missed Maggie so much when I was in California. It's okay to miss our family sometimes, you know.'

Beth looks down at her wrist and at the bracelets that cover up the scar that only few people know about. Daryl does too.

'Are you happy, Daryl?'

For some reason, his answer to this question seems like the most important thing in the world right now. Regardless of what he did to her, she wants him to be happy.

But Daryl just shrugs and nods at the same time, as if feeling unsure. Then he looks at her.

'Are you?'

Beth feels her heart speed up again, and can't help as the thought she tries to push away appears in the back of her mind. _Maybe he does care_.

'I am,' she finds herself telling him, even though she never actually contemplated the answer. That's when she realises that, to an extent, she is happy. Her daddy is alive, she is back home, and Daryl is talking to her. They are both quiet for a few minutes, and then she speaks up again. 'You know, back in LA, I really missed the winter. As much as I love summer and dislike cold weather, the dullness of constant heat just annoyed me. I never thought that winter would be something I'd ever miss.'

Beth has no idea why she's telling him that, but she just needs to change the topic. Talk about something less personal, so that at least some of the awkwardness disappears. Being naïve as she is, she genuinely finds herself believing that he is listening to her. That he is interested in whatever she has to say.

When Daryl finishes fixing the car and starts it easily, without any problem, Beth can't help but giggle a little. He could always do pretty much anything. That reminds Beth that she has fallen in love with him not just because of how talented he is, but also because he sees absolutely nothing extraordinary about it.

'Thank you, Daryl,' she says softly, not able to look anywhere else but his eyes. He doesn't look away either.

Just as she is about to say something else, Amy shows up.

'Daryl,' she says, and Beth flinches. 'I'm sorry to interrupt, but there is a call. They want you.'

The regret Beth feels is excruciating. She looks down and starts going through her purse, unsuccessfully trying to find her car keys. The pain that has dulled a little in two years suddenly returns, and Beth feels like its strength is suffocating her. She needs to leave right now.

Daryl promises to be there in a second, and Amy leaves reluctantly. Beth is still looking through the stuff in her purse, and she doesn't realise that her movements are becoming nervous, if not hysterical.

'Beth,' Daryl says and she freezes.

She thinks that she can't look into his eyes, not right now. She simply can't look at him and see pity in his eyes or – much worse – amusement. But she can't stop herself.

When Beth looks up, she realises she can feel tears brimming in her eyes, but the expression on his face makes her calm down. He doesn't look amused or sorry. He looks concerned. And Beth feels like that's the best thing that happened to her in a long time. Knowing that he cares.

* * *

Beth spends the rest of the day thinking about Daryl. Not that she doesn't usually, it's just that this time she can't stop herself from doing it. She doesn't sing while she works like she always used to; now she is just lost somewhere deep in her thoughts. She pretends not to notice Maggie's worried looks because of that reason.

To take her mind off it, she decided to bake something for dinner and finds a cherry pie recipe that she hasn't made since she left the farm. Beth only enjoys cooking when she can share the results with people she loves.

Daddy wants to join them at the table for dinner, and Shawn and Maggie help him walk down the stairs. As Maggie cuts the meat, Beth takes her pie out of the oven. The fact that daddy is there, sitting at the table with them, makes her feel happy. Her daddy deserves to be around family.

Just as she is about to sit down, she hears the front door open, and she turns around to see who it is. The assumption that comes into mind is simply insane, but her heart misses a beat as she waits to see the face of newly arrived. She realises that it's Jimmy and can't help but feel disappointed, but then she remembers she hasn't seen him for two years, so she sprints towards him, throwing herself into his hug as he lifts her in the air and spins her around lightly.

'Jimmy,' she giggles, feeling somewhat light-headed, and so she asks him to put her down. 'I'm so glad to see you,' she says and she beams at him, forgetting how ambiguous this might seem. She hopes Jimmy has gotten over his crush on her, and they can just be friends again because she loves him as a brother and would never want to lose him.

'You are the one to talk,' he teases her with a smile.

'Would you like to join us?' Beth asks. 'I made a cherry pie,' she shamelessly uses it as an argument and he nods, heading towards the table and taking a seat as Beth gets him a plate.

When she sits back down, she can't help but keep smiling and she sees that everyone else is smiling too.


	3. Chapter 3

When Beth wakes up in the middle of the night, it takes her a few seconds to remember where she is, because the feeling that she is still hundreds of miles away from home returns. She looks around her room and, as familiar warmth fills her heart when she thinks that she's back, she closes her eyes again to start drifting off. The sound that woke her repeats, and she flies into a sitting position. At first, she tries to understand what it is and then gasps with realisation. Somebody is throwing stones at her window. It's a hot night, and she is surprised the window is shut.

Her heart speeds up as she imagines Daryl standing outside, waiting for her to open the window, but she doesn't allow herself to believe that fantasy. That can't be possible, why would Daryl randomly show up at the farm and wake her? Nevertheless, she quickly looks in the mirror of her dresser, with the moonlight providing some lighting, and quickly combs her hair. Just in case. When she is more or less satisfied, she runs up to the window and pushes the handle, her heart thrumming away in her chest.

'Jimmy,' she breathes out, and the disappointment that hits her is so strong it almost feels painful. She tries not to roll her eyes, as she already knows the reason why he woke her at two in the morning. 'What are you doing here?' she whispers, as quiet as possible, not interested in waking anyone else.

'I know it's late but… Could we, possibly, talk?' Jimmy trails off and looks at her with such plead in his eyes that her heart warms up to him.

'Right now? Can't it wait?' Beth asks nevertheless.

'Please,' Jimmy says, and Beth can't help but huff in annoyance.

'Give me a minute,' she answers and shuts the window. She decides not to get changed since it's only Jimmy, and it won't be the first time he sees her in pyjamas.

Beth creeps down the corridor and then down the stairs, doing her best to be silent, but the stairs creak under her feet a few times, and she almost curses under her breath at how old their house is.

Jimmy is standing outside, watching her as she appears on the porch, shutting the front door quietly behind herself. She doesn't lock it since she won't be gone for too long, and they live in a quiet area, anyway. There isn't much to be afraid of.

Beth strolls down the steps of the porch, slow and relaxed, and comes up to Jimmy, who seems nervous.

'Can we take a walk?' he asks in a whisper, and even that seems too loud with the silence that surrounds them, only filled with light chirping of crickets and occasional hoot of an owl.

Beth nods hesitantly, not knowing where this conversation is going to go, but follows him, as he leads the way. It doesn't take her long to realise where they are heading.

It's a short walk – five minutes or so – and Jamie doesn't say anything when they make their way through last of the trees and come out to the small creek. This was their place when they were little, and Beth smiles remembering how simple everything was back then. Her mother was alive, father was much younger and stronger, and she and Maggie were just little girls, who would play dolls, ride Nellie, and swim in the river at hot summer days. Right now life seems so complicated, that Beth doesn't know how to even begin solving her problems.

Jimmy picks up a little stone and throws it in the water, and that draws Beth's attention.

'What did you want to talk about?' she asks not as annoyed as she was back in the house. He is obviously worried, and there's something heavy on his minds. She can guess what it is but prays she is wrong. She doesn't want to hurt him.

'Us,' he says simply, not looking at her, and with that, Beth's heart skips a beat in horror.

'What about us?' she asks, pretending to have no clue what he is talking about.

Jimmy takes a minute to think at his response.

'You remember, a little more than two years ago, you told me that you were in love with someone?' Jimmy whispers, and Beth feels air rush from her lings at his words. 'That it was so real, and pretty much the only thing that made you happy after your mom died?' he repeats her phrase with complete accuracy, and Beth shivers. She made him unhappy, and he hasn't moved on.

'Yes,' she brings herself to say, already knowing what his next question is going to be.

'Is it still like that?' Jimmy asks and looks in her eyes, and he seems so worried as if his life depends on her answer. Beth feels like she can relate to that.

She knows what she is going to say, without even thinking about it. Jimmy will always be her friend, but she would never lie in fear of losing him. He deserves her honesty. So she says what she knows is the only possible answer.

'It is. I still love him.'

The hurt across his face is obvious, but he doesn't seem surprised. He knows her too well.

'You don't seem too happy,' he shares his observations, looking away again.

Beth notices how cold the wind is and regrets not taking a cardigan. She folds her arms, trying to warm herself up a little bit. The night is hot, but it feels much colder near water.

'It's complicated. But I don't think I will ever be able to have what I feel to him with someone else,' she looks down, suddenly starting to shiver. 'I'm sorry, Jimmy.'

Beth really is sorry. No matter what, she never wanted to hurt her friend.

Jimmy doesn't say anything to that and just walks away, leaving her standing there, shuddering in cold wind. The starting rain gets heavy fast, and she decides to head back. When she reaches the porch of the farm house, she is soaking wet and it takes Beth a few seconds after coming back in to realise that she is crying.

'Beth, what happened?' she hears Maggie's voice and turns around. Maggie is standing in the doorway of the living room, and it's obvious she has been awake for quite some time. 'I heard you walk downstairs and thought that maybe you had a nightmare or something, but then you left…' Maggie goes quiet when she sees her sister's face, and Beth feels tears run down her cheeks in an endless flow. 'Oh, Bethy… What happened?' she asks again, giving her a tight hug, not minding the fact that her clothes can get wet too.

Beth's tears become hysterical, and she can't force herself to say anything. Why does she have to love someone who will never love her? Why does life have to be so unfair? She hurt Jimmy so much and right now she wishes she could just reciprocate his feelings. She knows Jimmy would have made her happy. But her heart seems to be the most stubborn thing in the world, and she simply doesn't know what to do. She hugs Maggie back, her cries become so loud and desperate, that she is afraid she can wake daddy. Beth doesn't want to explain anything, and Maggie doesn't ask any more question.

* * *

Beth wakes up with an impossible headache, and her throat is so sore it is hard to swallow. She ignores all of it and gets up at a usual time, knowing that there are too many things around farm that need to be done, so she simply can't afford to relax. She can't force herself to eat any breakfast and just starts with the chores.

As she feeds chickens and collects newly laid eggs, she feels dizzy and touches her forehead. Beth shivers when she realises she probably has fever. It feels like she is about to faint, so she sits down quickly, trying to catch her breath.

Maggie walks past the barn and looks at Beth, confused.

'Are you okay?' she asks, and Beth forces herself to nod.

'Yeah, fine. It's really hot in here and I just need to sit down for a minute.'

Maggie doesn't seem to believe her but decides not to argue and walks off, leaving Beth alone again. She knows her health and remembers that she will only feel worse if she doesn't stop the illness from spreading.

Beth gets her purse and takes the pickup truck, deciding to drive into town to get some medicine. She feels very weak but can't force herself to tell Maggie or daddy or even Shawn. She doesn't want to be a constant problem. The drive seems endless, and she lets out a relieved breath once she stops the truck in front of the pharmacy. It is right next door to the diner, and she wonders whether Daryl is there for breakfast as he always used to be.

She quickly chooses some painkillers and some kind of anti-flu medicine to get rid of the fever. Beth becomes very aware that pharmacy has air conditioning on, and she starts shuddering. As she walks up to the cashier, she looks in a mirror hanging behind him and frowns at what she sees. Her eyes have that unhealthy sheen to them, and her nose is red. She wraps herself in a cardigan ever more, and the shop assistant gives her a weird look. Of course, it is June, and the temperature must be reaching 90 degrees. She also buys a small bottle of water and then leaves the pharmacy.

The second Beth is outdoors, she takes two painkiller pills, washing it down her throat with a few gulps of water. Her throat is very sore, and swallowing is painful.

'Beth?' she hears someone say and turns around. She doesn't hide her surprise at the fact that Daryl is standing there, looking at her with concern. 'Are you okay?'

For some reason, that question makes anger boil inside her chest.

'Don't pretend like you care!' she exclaims, and her voice sounds so croaky, that she can't help but put touch her throat, as her headache suddenly starts increasing. That makes her anger even stronger. 'You can't just show up here like you actually care about my well-being after you said I mean nothing to you! I'm not a toy!' her voice becomes a whisper since talking is too painful.

'Beth, you're sick, you need-'

'I don't need to do anything you say,' she whispers and spins away to get into pickup truck, desperate to leave him behind. She only reaches the door when she feels him snatch her hand, stopping her.

He pulls away immediately after touching her skin, and despite her health, Beth feels the same electricity she always experienced when he touched her. She feels tears gather up in her eyes when she realises how big of an idiot she is.

'You have fever, Beth,' Daryl says, as if he never noticed the harsh tone she spoke to him in. 'You can't drive.'

Beth turns to look at him, and suddenly it's all too much for her. She starts sobbing for what seems like the hundredth time in this week and realises that she is tired of pretending to be strong. She wants someone to take care of her, and that makes her feel so selfish and unworthy of her family's love, that her sobs get even louder. Daryl's frown is so deep that she's surprised he can see something behind his knotted eyebrows. Beth continues crying when she feels him pull her in a warm hug. She starts wiggling, trying to avoid it, but when his palm starts stroking her hair carefully, she can't stop herself from wrapping her arms around his middle. It's when Beth breathes in his familiar smell – he smells like smoke, car oil, and forest – she feels herself to calm down a little bit. Her tears keep soaking the fabric of his shirt, but he doesn't seem to mind, and Beth finds herself thinking that he is the best person in this world. Even though he doesn't care, he is kind enough to help her when she needs it.

'I can't do this anymore,' she whispers, even though she didn't expect herself to say anything like that. She doesn't even know what she means by that; whether it's her daddy's loss of a leg, troubles at the farm, her love to Daryl, or the fact that she hurt Jimmy. Probably everything at once.

'I know,' he says. His palm touches the crown of her head again, and Beth closes her eyes, trying to remember this moment, to keep it in her memory forever. 'You should call Maggie and Shawn and ask them to take you home,' Daryl says quietly without pressuring her, merely suggesting, and starts to pull away. But the second he does, Beth feels a familiar pang in her heart and she grabs his sleeve.

'No,' she says, clinging desperately to his chest, and feels stupid but is far too afraid to even imagine the strength of pain she will experience once she is not in his hug anymore.

Daryl seems to understand, because his arms return, and Beth closes her eyes in delight.

'Do you want me to drive you home then?' he offers.

Beth looks up at him and nods. She doesn't care whether he will hate her for doing this but she wants to be near him for as long as possible. Her throat feels very scratchy, and she starts coughing so hard that it hurts somewhere deep in her chest.

When Daryl pulls her towards the pickup, she feels so weak she can't even climb into the car, so Daryl has to help her. Driving back to the farm, he never lets go of her hand, and she leans onto his shoulder. She prickles at the thought that this will end soon but doesn't let herself to concentrate on it.

By the time he drives into the yard of her house, she is almost falling asleep, and every movement echoes with pain. Daryl must understand that because he scoops her up in his arms and carries her towards the front porch. Maggie's voice sounds like she's under water, and Beth forces herself to open her eyes, while her arms are still around Daryl's neck.

'Beth!' her sister exclaims so loud it makes Beth's head hurt. Maggie then looks at Daryl. 'What did you do to her?' she asks in voice that tells Beth she is genuinely scared. She opens her mouth to say something, but Daryl speaks up first.

'Didn't do nothing,' he says. 'Maybe if you did better job at looking after your sister, I wouldn't have found her in town so sick she can't stand straight.'

'It's not her fault,' Beth manages a whisper. She hates that two people she loves most in this world have to argue about her.

'You gonna let me take her upstairs or what?' Daryl says, his tone less harsh this time, and Beth thinks that he must have heard her words.

'Yes, it's this way,' Maggie says, instantly putting her anger aside but not forgetting about it. Beth knows Maggie will never stop being pissed off with Daryl.

Beth hears the screen door swing open, and can't force herself to open her eyes anymore. The last thing she feels before drifting off in pain is Daryl putting her in bed, tucking her cover in, and brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. Beth manages a smile before letting heavy darkness consume her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally some kind of shift going on in this chapter.  
> Hope you enjoy.

All Beth remembers from the remainders of that day is that Daryl stayed with her until doctor had arrived and then left, while Beth's head felt like it was going to explode, and she was going to burn from inside out. She doesn't like to think about that though, it's much better to let her mind wander off to the moments of Daryl hugging her, or carrying her, or just holding her hand. Those moments make the sickness worth it.

She is much better now, and Maggie even allows her to come downstairs, as long as she lays down on the couch. Maggie hasn't said a word about Daryl's sudden appearance that day, and it doesn't seem like she is going to, and Beth can't even express how grateful she is for that. The last thing she wants is having to explain herself to her sister. It's not like she doesn't know what Maggie would have to say, anyway. 'What were you thinking?', or 'Why do you always let him hurt you?', or 'How many times is he going to break your heart until he breaks you completely?' Something along the lines of what every overprotective sister should say in a similar situation. Beth is not sure whether she has strength (or will, for that matter) to cope with that right now.

As Beth slowly gets better, she can't stop herself from glancing at her cell phone occasionally, praying for one particular name to appear on the screen. Maggie notices it sometimes and gives her sister a look of judgement, but Beth always shrugs nonchalantly in response. It's not like Maggie to hold grudges, but Beth sees where she is coming from. She definitely does. The phone never rings though, and as two weeks pass – in which Beth recovers completely – she loses all hope she had at the beginning.

With a lot of moral judgements and rationality put into it, she decides not to get angry – he helped her when he didn't have to, after all. What seems like a brilliant idea pops into her head, and the first thing she does when she is able to spend her day out of bed, is bake cookies. Beth remembers he used to like chocolate chip cookies the best and she smiles and sings to herself while she bakes. As Maggie gives her a happy smile for seeing her up and well, Beth offers her a shrug and a tight hug. She loves Maggie and seeing her so worried about her well-being makes her love her sister even more.

Beth puts a lot of effort in baking these cookies – making sure that they are all almost the same size and have equals amounts of chocolate in them – and it takes her ages to make them, but she enjoys every second of it. That reminds her of how her mama use to say that a way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Beth chuckles at that and shakes her head. She doubts it will make Daryl warm up to her.

When the cookies are done with, and have cooled off on the counter, she puts them in a Tupperware container with a blue lid. Heading towards the front door, she bumps into Maggie, who has just been upstairs in their daddy's room and is now coming to the kitchen with a dirty plate in her hands.

'Where are you going with that?' Maggie asks, and Beth once again hears that protective tone in her voice.

This time, however, she is not irritated – it only makes her smile.

'To thank the man who brought me home unconscious. His name is Daryl, remember him?' Beth answers her question patiently, refusing to lie.

'Yes, I remember him very well. He also reminds me of the man who broke your heart two years ago.'

Beth's smile tightens.

'I know that. And I'm not going there to let him do it to me again. I just want to thank him for his act of kindness.'

Maggie sets the plate on the counter none too gently and crosses her arms.

'Oh, and whose act of kindness will you need next time when you are heartbroken and crying in the middle of the night?' she says.

Beth's smile drops now and she sighs heavily.

'You don't know what you are talking about, Maggie,' she says and decides that maybe it is time to tell her sister what happened that night. She nods at the table and they both sit down, and it seems like Maggie is all ears. 'Jimmy showed up at two in the morning,' Beth starts fiddling with her nails, still feeling extremely guilty about hurting her friend's feelings. He has been avoiding her recently and Beth didn't say or do anything, deciding not to dwell on it. 'He wanted to talk.'

'About what?' Maggie asks with no sign of impatience, and something tells Beth that she already knows the answer.

'About his feelings… for me. He said it's obvious that I'm unhappy and he can't believe that I'm still in love with the same man.'

'And that's why you were crying? Because you still love Daryl?' Maggie frowns.

'No. I was crying because I hurt Jimmy,' Beth reassures her sister. 'And because I love Daryl too,' she then quickly adds. 'But,' she cuts Maggie off, seeing that she has something to say about it, 'you are officially not allowed to comment on this because it's not like I can control what I feel.'

That makes Maggie keep quiet for a few moments, and it seems like maybe – just maybe – she is starting to understand Beth's reasoning. Beth finds herself hoping desperately that she does because she is extremely tired of this. Tire of everything, for that matter.

'You know,' Maggie speaks up, and this time her voice sounds much softer. 'I used to imagine that you'd marry a nice farm boy like Jimmy. You'd have a hoard of running and screaming kids, and we'd need a bigger dining table for family dinners. I always thought that would make you happy.'

'I still can be happy, Maggie.'

'Yeah, let's just hope you don't stay like this forever.'

Beth takes her sister's hand as she feels her heart ache when she understands Maggie's sometime aggressive behaviour. It hurts her when Beth is unhappy, and just that thought makes Beth love her sister more than anyone.

Except maybe Daryl, and she hates herself for that sometimes.

* * *

Coming into the garage's office, Beth instantly prickles at the thought of seeing Amy again. It almost stops her from doing it, and she moves to spin away to leave, when she hears the familiar voice, and that's enough to make her freeze to the spot.

'Beth? What are you doing here?'

It's Daryl and he surely sounds surprised, but not annoyed or (much worse) angry. She turns around and blushes like a school girl caught at writing a love note to her crush.

'I just… I brought you these,' Beth says and hands him container with the cookies. Maggie did let her ago, but only after they had a long sister bonding conversation. But as long as she doesn't let Daryl hurt her. Again. 'Just wanted to thank you for being there on time to… take me home,' she manages to finish the sentence and feels her cheeks heat up even more, and she can't remember when was the last time she blushed so hard. Beth almost looks down but for some reasons feels compelled to keep her chin up, not taking her eyes off him.

'Ain't nothin'' Daryl says but accepts the cookies, and only now that she realises how close he is standing. He doesn't even need to stretch his arm out to take the container from her.

Beth hears a phone ringing in the office, and remembering about Amy sitting there makes her feel very insecure about her appearance. She knows she is pretty – she was told plenty of times – but thinks she doesn't have enough shape. Maybe that's why Daryl is not interested in her in that way. Amy, on the other hand, does have some womanly curves to her figure, and Beth can't help but wonder if Daryl likes that about her. She remembers what she is wearing – a yellow floral dress with a neckline a little lower than usual – and she hopes that Daryl likes it.

Beth realises that they have been standing there silently, just looking at each other, and that makes her feel even more uncomfortable. What if she is just annoying him?

'You didn't call,' she hears her own voice and places her palm over her mouth, surprised she dared to say that. She has no right to accuse him of indifference.

'Maggie told me you were getting better. I just didn't want to disturb ya,' Daryl says in a gruff, low voice that sends shivers down her spine.

'You…' Beth trails, for the first time in her life not knowing how to vocalise what's on her mind, and just hopes that he understands. He does because he gives her a nod, and that makes Beth's heart hasten.

'Can we talk?' Daryl asks.

Those three words make Beth's heart race even faster, clamouring for escape inside her. She offers him a nod in response, and as he heads back into the garage and towards the back door with Beth following him, she remembers how she used to just show up like this to see him and they would sit in lawn chairs at the back. Two years ago, it seemed like he was happy to see her, and thinking that it wasn't real makes Beth feel like a complete fool. Shawn always says that her face is like an open book because it gives away everything, and maybe that's why she never expects other people to lie or pretend.

As they sit down, Beth realises she can't manage to look at him, and she concentrates on her nails, as he lights up a cigarette.

'Beth,' he says after a few long moments of silence.

'Yes?' she echoes and looks up, and the sudden warmth in his eyes gives her those butterflies she missed so much in past two years.

He doesn't say anything for some time, just looking at her with such intense gaze she starts to worry. What is he going to say? That he feels sorry for her, but he will never be interested? Or worse, that he is seeing someone and she can't just show up at his work like this? One thought worse than another, she starts to shiver again, although she is pretty sure that this time fever has nothing to do with it.

'What made you get sick?' he asks, and that's the last thing she expected him to say.

'Uhm…' she tries her best to concentrate on his question rather than his dark blue eyes. 'I got stuck in pouring rain, but…' Beth doubts she should tell him the real reason but decides to just do it because she is not used to lying or hiding things from others. 'The doctor said it was mainly due to stress and mental exhaustion.'

He lets out an exasperated sigh and runs his hand through his hair.

'Shit, I'm sorry, Beth,' he says, looking anywhere but her.

That surprises Beth. Not that he knows he was the reason of her so-called breakdown but because he seems to genuinely regret it. Beth feels a sudden rush of adrenaline as her heart speeds up, and she doesn't know what to say. Again.

'It's… it's not your fault,' she stutters out. 'I can't blame you for not loving me. But I appreciate that you were honest back then, and…'

Beth stops halfway through her sentence, when he looks up, and she feels goosebumps on her skin again.

'I just hoped you'd be happier once I let you go,' Daryl says.

Beth can swear she feels her heart break into thousand pieces once again, and she didn't even know it could hurt so much. She immediately feels tears run down her cheeks as she gets up and slaps him across the face in a sharp, abrupt movement. Her fingers tremble and her hand is burning after that, and she almost starts feeling guilty because she has never hit anyone, but hot pain inside her stops her from feeling bad.

'Don't you dare say you did that for me!' she exclaims, looking down at him as he remains in his seat. 'Meeting you and falling in love with you were the best things that ever happened to me, and I told you that I loved you so many times, so you couldn't possibly think that losing you would make me happy! Don't make this about me, you only did that for yourself!' it is hard to finish the sentence because she is choking on tears and sobbing hard but she manages and turns to run away, when he stops her.

Daryl spins her around so that she is looking at him, and Beth sees something in his eyes. Something she used to see back when she thought he could feel something to her. Something she used to see when she would tell him she loved him.

Her thoughts are interrupted when he pulls her and she nearly stumbles before falling into his arms, and then he presses his lips to hers. She starts kissing him back instantly, feeling the taste of her own tears on his mouth, and it suddenly feels like two years that they spent apart never happened. Like he never broke her heart or said those horrible words. Like he can really love her back.

Beth can still feel tears running down her cheeks when she puts her arms around his middle, pulling him closer, dreaming of this moment to last forever. As he brushes his tongue over her lower lips, she shudders and starts kissing him even more hungrily, as if trying to express her desperate need of his love in a kiss. All the electricity is there, only now it feels heightened, and she thinks that it might be one of the consequences of two endless years away from him. Vicious and painful thoughts of what will happen when this is over start to pop into her head, but she refuses to let them in. She decides to pretend that his feelings for her are real and she embraces that fantasy, as her senses explode with delight.

Beth feels Daryl's hand touch her neck and move lower, slipping the spaghetti strap of her dress off her shoulder. She flinches at that, but doesn't stop kissing him, and it's then that she realises: she will let him do anything, even right now. At no point does she remember that they can be interrupted any second, or that she promised Maggie to stay away from him. All she can think of is his lips on her lips, his palm sliding down from her shoulder to her collarbone, and then to her cleavage. In passing, she thanks providence that she chose to wear this particular dress today. Daryl does seem to like it (or at least that's what she tells herself).

When Daryl breaks the kiss (since they both have to breathe in at least some air), Beth is afraid to open her eyes at first. She is too afraid to look at him and see regret on his face. Or sorrow. Beth knows, however, that she will have to face him eventually, so she slowly opens her eyes and flinches when he leans in and starts kissing her again. This kiss is different though, more careful and gentle, and Beth's heart jerks painfully in her chest at the love he seems to put in it. Although she knows it's not what she dares to hope, it is something more than indifference. Otherwise, he wouldn't have been kissing her… right?

As he pulls away again, she can't help but keep her eyes closed for a few more moments, trying to memorise the taste of his lips. Her cheeks are still wet with tears, but she is not crying anymore. She is too happy at the moment.

'I'm sorry, Beth,' he says, and her heart drops.

'For what?' she asks, praying that she is mistaken. She refuses to believe he is going to apologize for kissing her. She is afraid her heart will not survive that amount of pain.

'For pushing you away.'

Beth realises that she is lost and has no idea what to say to that. He can't possibly mean that. Can he?

'What do you-'

'Daryl!' she hears Amy's voice and steps away from Daryl, adjusting the strap on her shoulder in a useless attempt of pretending that they did was just talk. She looks at Daryl and realises that it's more than obvious: his lips are red and swollen, and she imagines she doesn't look much different. They are both panting, still trying to calm down. 'Your break is over, and there is a client…'

'I'll be there in a minute,' he says in a low voice that makes Beth shudder again. In a painful déjà vu, Beth watches Amy give him a smile and leave with obvious reluctance.

'Did you…' Beth begins to ask, but doesn't get the opportunity to finish off her sentence.

'No,' Daryl cut her off. 'Was never anything like that between me and Amy.'

'What about others?' she can't stop herself.

'There was no others.'

Beth closes her eyes as her heart painfully skips a beat.

'There wasn't anyone for me either,' she feels the need to say. 'It's always been you.'

Beth notices Daryl's gaze darken again, and then he presses his lips to her in a quick but passionate kiss. He turns to leave and heads for the door, when she stops him.

'Daryl,' she says, and he looks at her as she picks up the container he left on the table. 'You forgot the cookies,' Beth comes closer and, when handing it to him, stands up on her tiptoes and kisses him gently one more time. It sends shivers down her spine, and when she pulls away, his eyes meet hers. 'Will you call me?' she asks, before she can get herself to keep quiet again.

He seems to think about it for a few moments.

'Yeah,' he says, and when she breaks into a bright smile she sees him smile too.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone! I hope you had a fantastic time, and please remember to review!  
> Hope you enjoy :)

_Listen! It is not sound alone, 'tis sense,_

' _Tis genius, taste, and tenderness of soul:_

' _Tis genuine warmth of heart without pretence,_

_And purity of mind that crowns the whole._

_**Jane Austen** _

 

_Walking down the stairs, Beth smiles as she types her response to Daryl's text. She bumps into Shawn who is reading as he walks. Daddy always says it is a stupid habit to have, and Shawn has proved him right once – hit his head on the doorjamb and ended up with a big lump on his forehead. That hasn't taught him a lesson though. Shawn has always been passionate about literature, and if he is not reading something, he is probably talking about a book he has read last._

_They both stop in the corridor, and she looks up at her brother with a smile. She sees he is reading_ The Catcher in the Rye _, and that makes Beth sigh heavily. It is his most favourite book ever, although Beth simply can't understand his fascination with that story. When Beth read it for the first (and only) time, she thought it was the kind of book that gives you a headache because of how emotionally intense it is – but not in a good way._

' _You are rereading that again? You're so weird, isn't it the most depressing book in the world?' she asks._

' _I just like how it's written. And I really like Holden's relationship with Phoebe,' he shrugs nonchalantly._

' _Yeah, but that's only a tenth part of the story,' Beth remarks. 'Besides, aren't you supposed to be visiting Otis and Patricia with daddy?'_

_Shawn shakes his head._

' _He let me stay,' he looks at Beth and notices she is wearing her coat and boots, with her purse over her shoulder. 'Where are you going, anyway?'_

_Beth tenses. She hates lying to her family but knows there is no other choice. Daryl and her have decided that they better keep their relationship a secret for a little while longer, since it is not the best time to tell her daddy about it. Maggie has just dropped a bomb on him, uncovering her own secret relationship, so Beth knows that for daddy to look at the situation with an open mind and not make any impulsive decisions, they need to wait and let him cool off a little bit._

' _I'm off to visit the girl I give piano lessons to. Sophia's father is not in town for a few days, so her mom and she invited me over.'_

' _What kind of father spends Christmas away from his family?' Shawn asks, and Beth has to admit that it is a reasonable question. The problem is, he doesn't know the family, and Beth feels like they are only relieved for him to spend Christmas somewhere else. That at least means there will be no violence._

' _He is not the kind of father you want to spend Christmas with, trust me,' Beth says simply because she doesn't like discussing other people's lives. Besides, it's not like Carol or Sophia told her anything like that about him, it is more of Beth guessing. She doesn't like Ed, he definitely does not seem like a good person, and by the way Sophia always goes quiet the second he enters the room, or how Carol never looks him in the eyes, Beth can see that they don't particularly enjoy his company either. Beth can't understand why someone would stay with an abusive person, but she knows there is always much more to it._

' _Are you coming for dinner? Daddy will not be happy if you don't show up,' Shawn reminds her, and Beth smiles._

' _Of course I am. There is no way I would miss our family dinner.'_

' _Yeah…' Shawn trails. 'Mama always used to take Christmas very seriously,' he whispers with a faint smile._

' _She did,' Beth says and feels the need to give her brother a tight hug. He misses their mother as much as she does._

' _I'm so glad you're better now, Bethy,' Shawn says, still hugging her, and Beth can swear the scar on her wrist starts throbbing at that._

' _I better get going. I've only got a few hours left.'_

_She pulls away quickly, hoping that he doesn't continue on the subject, and rushes to the front door. As she comes out on the front porch, Maggie follows her._

' _Do you need a ride? I'm going down town too, to see Glenn.'_

_Beth nods. She doesn't feel confident enough to drive when it's snowing, as it is today. She looks around at the white flakes falling down onto the ground and suddenly remembers how – as a child – she always wished it would snow on Christmas._

_She can't wait to see Daryl. She wishes she could just bring him to the farmhouse so that they could spend the whole Christmas day together, but it is not possible right now. Beth knew she would not be able to just disappear in the morning, so they decided that would just see each other for a few hours in the afternoon._

_The drive doesn't take too long, and when Maggie pulls up in front of Daryl's small cabin, Beth looks at her for a few seconds._

' _Thank you for supporting me in this, Maggie,' Beth says._

' _If he makes you happy…' her sister trails and doesn't add anything else. But Beth doesn't need her to. She just gives Maggie a hug._

' _Pick me up at six?'_

' _Sure. Tell Daryl I said hello,' Maggie says as Beth gets out of the pickup truck._

_Beth shuts the door and watches Maggie make a U-turn and disappear somewhere in the trees. She hears the screen door open and turns around to see Daryl, who is standing on the small porch now, watching her._

' _Hi,' she says and breaks into the biggest smile._

' _Hey,' his smile is small, but it's enough for her. Beth rushes up the steps and throws herself into him, as her lips meet his. It's a quick but very gentle kiss, and when she pulls away, her eyes are sparkling with happiness. Daryl smiles wider this time and jerks his head at the door. 'Come on,' he says._

_She comes in and goes straight to the kitchen, starting to make them both hot chocolate. Daryl follows her and stands there, leaning against the kitchen counter and watching her as she moves around his kitchen like she belongs there._

' _You know,' Beth suddenly breaks the silence, while pouring steamy hot water in one of the mugs. 'My mama used to say that Christmas is not Christmas without hot chocolate.'_

_Daryl grunts something in response quietly, and they stay silent for a minute, until she sets both mugs on the table, and they take their seats across from one another. As they start sipping on their hot chocolate, Beth notices that Daryl seems to never take his eyes off her._

' _You never talk about 'er,' his words seems too sudden as they interrupt the silence between them._

_Beth looks at the table carefully, as if the answer is written there._

' _No,' she says and doesn't know what else to do. Of course Daryl won't ask her about it because he is one of those people who never dwell on things. He wants her to want to tell him, rather than feel some sort of obligation to do so. And she does want him to know everything about her, it's just that she has no idea how to talk about this. So she decides to say whatever pops into her mind first. 'Maggie says I should. She says it's unhealthy to keep everything inside.'_

_She looks up at Daryl and sees him observing her, his face blank._

' _You don't gotta tell me anything, if you don't want to,' he says._

_Beth takes another sip from her mug as she feels her scar throb for the second time. She decides to just tell him everything. If anyone will understand, it will be Daryl._

' _When my mom got cancer, I refused to believe it at first. My life has always been happy; I had my family, I was a good student, I was the youngest sibling and everyone cosseted me. It just seemed like something that always happens to other people, but no to me, you know?' she says and looks at Daryl, waiting for his reaction. But his face remains blank, and she doesn't know whether she should fell encouraged by it, or intimidated. 'She died a year later, and I got this feeling of despair that would never go away. Whatever I was doing, there was always this thought in the back of my mind, that it is all pointless. That happiness is just one big illusion. I didn't feel like there was a reason for me to continue living.'_

_Finishing the sentence, Beth falls quiet. She doesn't know if it is a good idea to tell this to Daryl. She knows about the scars on his back – he showed them to her a few months into their relationship, and right now it seems like she is just a spoilt brat, who doesn't really know life. Daryl has been through terrible things and always stayed strong, and she feels incredibly powerless for doing that to herself._

_Her thoughts are interrupted when Daryl takes her left hand and slowly moving the bracelets that are always there, away from her wrist. He traces his thumb along the scar that has gone pale long time ago, and Beth wishes it could just disappear. But she knows that things like that always leave marks. It is there for the rest of her life, to remind her how stupid she was._

_When Daryl lifts her hand and presses his lips to her wrist, she closes her eyes to stop herself from crying. It was meeting Daryl that made her want to live again. She wants to tell him that, but doesn't want to admit she is even weaker than he probably already thinks she is. She will tell him one day though._

_When she opens her eyes again, Daryl is still holding her hand, watching her carefully. He slowly moves towards her, as if she is some kind of skittish animal and he is afraid to scare her off. She leans over too, and her lips meet his in a kiss that is so gentle it makes her heart ache inside her. She pulls away slowly and gives him a bright smile._

' _Almost forgot. I have something for you,' Beth says and gets up, walking to the front door where she has left her purse earlier. She comes back in a few seconds, and she is carrying a small present wrapped in a white paper with silver snowflakes on it. She sits back at the table and hands it to him. 'Merry Christmas, Daryl.'_

_He looks at it for a few moments, just blinking silently, as if doubting that the gift really is for him. That reminds Beth how he told her once he never got anything from Santa. Just that thought echoes with pain in Beth's heart. She wishes she could just tell him how much she wants to take all of his pain away. But she knows Daryl doesn't like talking about it, and she is always too scared he'll think she is pitying him. Which she never does, instead, she admires how strong he is. She knows it's his strength that got him through everything._

_Daryl carefully tears the paper away and opens up the package. As Beth watches him look at the framed picture, she can't help but smile. She loves that photo. It was taken back in summer, when she sneaked off to the 4_ _th_ _July carnival with him. On the picture, Beth is holding a stuffed unicorn that Daryl has won for her in one of the booths and she is leaning towards him, her head almost resting on her shoulder. It is a selfie, but Beth loves that picture more than anything. Back then they have just started seeing each other, and she hasn't even realised she loved him. She just felt drawn towards the man, and every minute spent with him seemed special._

_Beth hopes Daryl likes it. She thinks that maybe she should have gotten him something more valuable, rather than just a stupid framed picture. Besides, she doesn't even know if he wants a picture with her. Maybe she is just annoying him, and he is too polite to tell her the truth._

' _Thank you, Beth,' Daryl says quietly, and something in his voice tells Beth that he does like it. And, just at that, she grins at him happily. 'I'm sorry I didn't get you nothing.'_

' _I don't need anything, Daryl,' Beth replies immediately. 'My gift is symbolical anyway. The most important thing is that you are here. With me,' she reassures him and she is being sincere. There is no better gift for her than to spend time with him. He makes her feel euphoric._

 _They spend some time finishing their hot chocolate, and then they decide to watch a Christmas movie. Beth has brought a few DVDs with her, since Daryl is not really into movies anyway, and they choose (well, Daryl lets Beth choose) the classic_ Miracle on 34th Street. _Beth has always loved that movie and it reminds her of Christmases she spent with the whole family – her mother being there too._

_Pretty soon, they are not paying too much attention to what's happening on the screen. They are too busy kissing._

* * *

As Beth pulls up in front of Daryl's house, she smiles at the memories that keep popping into her head. She wonders whether he kept the picture, whether he got rid of it after breaking up with her. She knows it's silly to hope he did keep it, and it's still on the TV-stand, but she can't help it.

Beth spent the whole day working at the farm and cleaning the house top to bottom, and it is dark already, so the lights are turned on inside. She gets out of the truck and shuts the door quietly after herself, knowing that Daryl will hear it. For some reason, she needs a minute before knocking on his door.

She can't help but start fumbling with the car keys in her hands.

Beth knows it was Daryl's initiative they meet here and she just hopes it turns out well. She is tired of being heartbroken. She is tired of telling her daddy she is just _tired_. That there is nothing wrong and she is happy to be home, but she is _tired_ because of the farm work. And it is partly true, the physical labour does exhaust her, but it is nothing in comparison with the constant stress she seems to be under since she arrived three weeks ago.

She decides that just standing there is not going to get her anywhere, so she climbs up the steps and crosses the front porch. She raises her hand and knocks on the door, her heart already starting to clamour for escape inside her. Few seconds pass, and Daryl appears, opening the screen door for her.

'Hi,' she says a bit awkwardly, not knowing what else to do or how to act around him.

'Hey,' he responds and lets her in. 'You hungry?'

'Yeah, I could eat.'

'Come on then,' Daryl says and heads towards the kitchen, with Beth following him. As she walks past the TV, she notices it. Their picture is still there, and just that thought makes Beth's heart clench in her chest.

Daryl turns on the oven and opens the freezer.

'Only got plain cheese pizza. No pepperoni,' he says apologetically, and Beth smiles at the fact he remembers her favourite pizza topping.

'That's okay,' she says, still smiling at him.

They remain quiet for some time, Beth leaning against the counter and watching Daryl take pizza out of the box. The question she wants to ask him is on her tongue, and she feels like she has to vocalize it or she will regret it later.

'Why?' she asks, and Daryl turns to look at her. 'Why did you lie to me back then, Daryl? You might not reciprocate my feelings, but you do care about me. It's obvious to me now.'

Daryl looks down, his shoulders slouching as if something is pressing onto him. He stays silent.

'Why?' Beth repeats, much quieter this time.

'Wanted to give you a chance to have a better life. I got nothing to offer, Beth,' he says, not lifting his gaze off the floor.

It all starts to make sense now, and Beth feels her heart hammer against her ribcage so loud that she can easily imagine Daryl being able to hear it too.

'I didn't need anything,' she whispers and she can hardly hear herself, but she knows Daryl heard it. 'I just needed you.'

He doesn't say anything, and Beth doesn't expect him to. She has learned it is better to judge his actions rather than words. It all makes sense to her now. How he always apologized for not taking her out to the restaurants or buying her expensive gifts. How he always said she was crazy for loving him. How he always stayed detached, but seemed to care for her deeply.

She suddenly feels like she can't control her heart anymore (not that she ever could, anyway), that Daryl has complete power over it. And she wants to tell him that.

'I love you, Daryl,' she says.

Daryl looks up at her and frowns, and just seeing that frown, Beth realises she can't stop herself. She takes a step forward and, wrapping her arms around his neck, she presses her lips to his. Daryl doesn't move for a moment, but Beth sighs with relief when she feels his lips returning the pressure. As the kiss gets more passionate and deep, Beth's hands come down to his chest, pushing his leather vest off his shoulders, as he starts moving somewhere. As they stumble into Daryl's bedroom and fall onto the bed, Beth can't help but think that if she is dreaming, she hopes she never wakes up.


	6. Chapter 6

Daryl stops his bike up the road, away from the farm, so that its roar doesn't wake the whole house in the middle of the night. Beth gets off and tries to think of something to say before leaving, but he surprises her and gets off too.

'I'll walk you to the front door,' he says.

'You're so romantic, Daryl Dixon,' Beth teases him with a bright smile. Her voice is husky because of how many times Daryl has made her cry out in pleasure earlier that night.

He shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly, and Beth takes his hand, starting to pull on him back to the dirt road. It is so dark and silent around that she knows it would creep her out if Daryl wasn't with her.

'Maggie's going to go crazy if she finds out,' Beth says in a whisper and giggles.

'We best be careful then,' Daryl says, and even in the dark, Beth can see him smile at her softly. The euphoric state she is in right now is indescribable. It seems like her and Daryl are capable of anything.

'I just wish I could stay 'til morning,' Beth whines but keeps smiling. 'But Maggie would definitely notice then.'

'Yeah.'

They remain quiet for some time, and the silence between them feels comfortable. Beth feels silly but she can't stop thinking of it as an adventure. Adrenaline hitting her makes her want to jump, run around, and do something crazy. She doesn't tell Daryl that though. She is afraid he will say that she is crazy just for wanting to spend time with him, like he always used to say when they were together. Beth hopes Daryl understands now that they can't leave one another. They are too unhappy when they are apart.

As they approach the front porch, Beth stops and turns around.

'I'll go on my own from here,' she says in a soft whisper. 'The steps are creaky,' she feels the need to add.

''kay,' he says simply without arguing.

'Remember to pick me up in town after work tomorrow, okay? I'll have to come up with some excuse to disappear again so that I can bring the truck back,' she tells him, with her eyes glued to his eyes. Daryl nods and doesn't say anything. 'Get home safe,' Beth says, as if out of the pair of them, he is the one who needs constant protection.

Daryl doesn't seem amused at that, he just gives her another nod.

'I will,' he promises seriously.

Beth leans in, and her lips meet his. She shivers at the recent memories that pop into her head and she wraps her arms around his neck. He is the one to break the kiss, and Beth can understand it. A little longer, and it will be too hard to stop.

'I love you,' she tells him and takes a step back, instantly turning around and running lightly up to the porch. She then watches him disappear into the dark and, unable to stop smiling, finds the key to open the front door.

The heels on her shoes are small but they still make clicking sound as she steps, so she takes them off. She creeps into the house, trying shut the door behind herself as quiet as possible.

'What are you doing?' she hears familiar voice say rather loudly.

Beth turns abruptly, her hand flying to her chest as she jumps in fear.

'Jimmy!' she exclaims in a whisper. 'You scared life out of me.'

'What are you doing?' he repeats his question, quieter this time, and folds his arms in an aggressive movement.

'What does it look like?' she can't help but snap. Who is he to interrogate her? 'When did you even come back?'

'Last night,' he says. 'Been stayin' in the guest room for tonight an' I heard you open the door.'

'I didn't know you were back,' Beth states the obvious.

'Of course you didn't. You were too busy sneaking 'round and screwing the guy who broke your heart more than once,' he says.

Beth feels anger boil in her chest and she can't help herself. Her hand flies up and slaps him across the face. She is too angry to regret it though so she just keeps staring at him as he moves his jaw dumbfounded.

'You have no right to lecture me! You are not my father!' she declares and walks past him, markedly keeping her head up.

'You're right, I'm not,' he says, turning around to face her, and Beth sees a big red mark starting to appear on his cheek. 'But Hershel has a right to know his daughter is not as innocent as she seems, don't you think? I'm sure he'd love to hear what I have to say.'

Beth freezes to the spot when she hears him say that. She can't believe it has come to this. One of her best friends is threatening her.

'What is your problem?' she asks after turning around to look at him.

'Oh, you see, the problem is you. First you mislead me with all you promising looks and smiles, and then you tell me there is only one man you'll ever love, which is the one who fucks you over time after time, and you fall to his feet like a pathetic little schoolgirl. Someone's messed with your head, and if I can't stop it, I'll make sure someone else does,' he finishes his tirade with a smile that makes Beth's heart clench with pain. She can't believe this is really happening. She can't believe her childhood friend is deliberately trying to hurt her.

'I want my father to find out about this relationship on my terms. You want to tell daddy? Feel free to do that, I won't try and stop you. Just know, that I will never forgive you if you do,' Beth promises. She knows it is terrible of her to say that, and that he is probably just hurt and is trying to come back at her for rejecting him, but she is too angry and she only sees red. The frustration is clouding her mind, and right now, it seems like their friendship is gone forever. If she has to choose between Daryl and Jimmy, she doesn't even need to think what her answer will be.

'I think I can live with that,' Jimmy answers impulsively, and Beth freezes again as it strikes her.

'Fine. Do it then,' she says and turns abruptly. She rushes up the stairs and comes into her bedroom, having to stop herself from slamming the door in frustration. She just stands there for a few seconds, pressing her back against the door and trying to calm down. She can't believe that Jimmy who has always supported her and has been there for her just said that. She can't believe he wants to ruin her relationship with Daryl – the person who makes her feel alive again and again, who makes her feel things she has never felt before. The person she loves.

When tears start spilling onto her cheeks, she unbuttons her dress with her fingers shaking and puts on the first pajamas she manages to find in the dark. Beth knows she will not be able to sleep right now and she hates herself for needing someone's comfort, but she can't help it. She opens the door and slips out of her room quietly. She quickly makes it down the corridor and, trying to be as silent as possible, she comes into Maggie's bedroom, flopping onto the bed next to her sister. She is sobbing by now, and that wakes Maggie.

'Daryl again?' she asks, and her voice sounds worn out. Beth can't help but think that she is a constant trouble for her family, and that thought makes her sobs more intense.

'No. Jimmy,' Beth whispers and shuffles closer to Maggie, not giving her any more details.

'You're going to be fine,' her sister reassures her sleepily, and Beth desperately wants to believe her.

* * *

Beth decides not to tell Daryl for now and deal with something on her own for once. She genuinely hopes that Jimmy's words were just an empty threat, but something tells her he is not going to let this one go. Her guess is confirmed when Shawn appears in the barn where she is feeding the chickens and tells her that daddy wants to have a talk with her. The first thing she feels is a passionate desire to kick Jimmy out of their farm but she knows she has no right to do that. He is more than just her friend, he is part of their family by now.

She gives Shawn a nod and asks him to tell daddy she'll be there once she is done with this. She knows though that she is just trying to win some time, but something in the look of Shawn's face tells her it's pointless.

Beth heads to the house in less than five minutes, noticing Maggie stepping down from the porch and heading in her direction. Beth rushes towards her as if her life depends on it.

'Does daddy-' she begins to ask, but is quickly cut off.

'Yeah. I eavesdropped on his conversation with Jimmy, and the situation doesn't seem good.'

'You are not going to come with me, are you?' Beth asks, knowing the answer already.

'Are you kidding me?' Maggie snorts. 'I'm going to stay as far away as possible. Good luck,' she wishes, and Beth gives her a sarcastic smile while she feels a huge knot twisting in her stomach. Maggie walks off, leaving Beth standing on the porch.

She tells herself that it is ridiculous to be afraid of her own father. He is the kindest and the most understanding person she ever met, and surely, he is not going to be too mad at her for having a secret relationship. And sneaking out of her window in the middle of the night. On multiple occasions. And lying to the whole family. For years. Of God, she really is screwed.

Beth takes a deep breath and decides to go through with it already. She can do it.

As she comes into the living room, where her daddy is sitting on the sofa, a book next to him, she instantly notices Jimmy, whose back is facing Hershel, and he is looking out the window. Just the sight of him makes anger boil inside her, and it takes her a lot of strength to stop herself from turning on her heel and rushing out of the room.

'Bethy, I'm glad you came. Sit down, please,' daddy says with a soft smile, and Beth thinks that maybe it won't be that bad. 'Could you give us some privacy, Jimmy?' he asks in a calm and respectful tone, and Jimmy turns to face the man.

'Of course, Hershel.'

He doesn't even look at Beth as he walks past her, and after a few seconds pass, Beth hears the front door bang shut. That finally makes her move her limbs, and she takes a seat in an armchair opposite the sofa, trying to look as calm as possible.

This is her daddy, and she is his doodlebug, always will be. Her happiness is in his best interest. Right?

'How much of what Jimmy told me is true?' Hershel asks, and the fact that he is critical of the information received from Jimmy makes her heart beat a little slower with relief.

'What exactly did he say to you?' Beth asks carefully.

'Well, there was a lot. But mainly, he said you've had a secret relationship with someone for years, and that man broke your heart on multiple occasions, and you just let him do that to yourself. He made it seem like your judgement is clouded, so that you don't know how bad that man is for you. Is that true?'

Beth doesn't know what to do in a situation like this, so she decides to go for the truth.

'Partly, yeah,' she says. 'I did have a secret relationship for a year before I left for LA, and now I've started seeing… him again.'

'Who is he?'

Beth takes a deep breath, not knowing how he is going to react to this. She hopes her father sticks to his frequent advice to never judge the book by its cover. She knows the reputation his family has in town, but what people don't know is that he is nothing like his relatives. Maybe if her daddy gives him a chance, he will be able to see it too.

'Daryl Dixon.'

The expression on Hershel's face doesn't change, and Beth understands that he wants to know the whole story before coming to any conclusions.

'He did break my heart,' Beth stares at the carpet, not being able to look into her father's eyes right now. 'But daddy, he didn't mean to. He cares about me, a lot. And… I love him.'

Hershel remains silent for some time, and Beth's head whips up at him. She doesn't know what to think and just hopes daddy will understand.

'I see,' he says in the same soft tone that fills Beth's heart with hope. 'Does he love you?'

Beth finds herself thinking about how to answer that question for a few moments longer than she should. She doesn't want to lie and tell her father that Daryl does love her, but she is worried about a reaction an honest answer might cause. Thinking that she has already lied enough, she decides to be sincere and hope for the best.

'I don't know. He never told me that specifically, but I know I mean a lot to him,' she says.

Oddly enough, that seems to satisfy Hershel. As much as it can in a situation as awkward as this.

'I see,' he says again and doesn't add anything to it.

Beth knows what he expects her to say.

'I'm sorry for lying to you, daddy. But I'm not sorry for being with him.'

'Why didn't you just tell me, Bethy?' daddy asks in a quiet voice that makes Beth feel like she is the worst daughter on earth.

'I wanted to tell you, daddy, I just didn't want you to worry about it. You've been through so much.'

She looks down again, holding a breath and waiting for anything else he has to say.

Hershel doesn't seem to want to take that any further, and Beth thanks heaven for that.

'I would like to meet him,' he says suddenly, and Beth freezes to the spot. She knows what it means. Her daddy wants to give Daryl a chance, and just that realisation makes Beth break into a bright smile, almost a grin.

'I'll invite him over for dinner tonight,' she promises, already knowing the scheme of things. It was like that when Maggie told him about Glenn.

'Good. We'll see what happens from there,' he gives Beth a smile that tells her she is almost forgiven. Well, that was… easy. 'Now, why don't we go to the kitchen, where can tell me what happened between you and Jimmy while I eat my breakfast?'

Beth grins up at Hershel as she helps him get up from the sofa and get to the kitchen.

* * *

'Glenn will drop Maggie off at yours in an hour or so. She'll get the truck. I'm not allowed to see you until tonight,' she sighs. 'I'm sorry it has to be like this.'

'Well, ain't like it's your fault.'

'Yeah, but…' Beth doesn't continue because she simply doesn't know what to say. She doesn't like the situation they are forced into. She wants this to be Daryl's choice, not an obligation.

She starts staring at her nails, trying to put her gaze somewhere, even though Daryl is on the phone with her and there is no way he can see the extent to which she is actually worried. She can tell he is in a slight state of shock, and can't help but think that maybe she is rushing things. Meeting your significant other's parent is a stressful moment, to say the least.

'If this is too soon… I mean… I'll understand if you say no,' Beth tells him quietly and starts teetering, even though she was occupying the swing and not moving a muscle for last five minutes. She just feels like she needs to do something while she is pressing her phone to her ear and waiting for Daryl's response.

'Are you kidding me, girl? Do three years not seem enough for you?'

And when she hears him chuckle lightly on the other end she can't stop her lips from spreading into a big smile. The relief that hits her is extremely overwhelming.

'I best start cooking then. Maybe if daddy is too busy with the food, he'll spend less time picking on you,' she giggles into the phone. 'Oh, and Shawn.'

'Is he going to give me the kind of "hurt her and I'll kill you" big-brother-talk?' Daryl asks, and the fact that his voice sounds amused makes Beth sigh with relief again.

'Probably,' Beth shrugs as if he can see her. 'Make sure you're here by six, alright?'

'You got it.'

His tone sounds somewhat brave, and that fills Beth with confidence. Maybe everything is going to be fine, after all.

She gets up and heads inside, trying to decide on what she will be cooking for tonight and contemplating asking Maggie for help. As she shuts the front door behind her, she bumps into Shawn, who is chewing on a sandwich in his hand.

'Shawn,' she huffs in annoyance. 'I just cleaned the house yesterday. Could you not leave breadcrumbs everywhere?'

Her brother takes another large bite and, chewing, shakes his head.

'Everyone is too busy dealing with your secret boyfriend drama and no one was bothered to cook anything, and since it's almost three o'clock I thought I best take care of myself.'

Beth tries her best not to roll her eyes at his comment but fails, although she can't help but smile at the fact that he is obviously not mad at her for lying him too.

'You're such a baby,' she says and jerks her head towards kitchen. 'Come on, I'll fix you something to eat.'

As she walks towards the fridge, while Shawn plops down onto a chair at the table, she smiles at a memory of her mother saying that her daddy might be great at running a farm, but he is simply useless in the kitchen. Shawn is not much different, really. She finds herself wondering how her brother survived college.

'Did Jenny cook for you at college?' she asks, setting a plate with mashed potatoes and meat leftovers in the microwave.

'Yeah,' Shawn nods, popping the last chunk of his sandwich in the mouth. 'Otherwise I would've starved to death,' he adds.

'I figured,' Beth chuckles and opens the freezer to find out what meat they have. When the food is heated, she gets the plate out of the microwave. She sets it on the table in front of her brother and then hands him a fork and a knife.

'Thanks, sis,' he smiles smugly and digs in.

Beth simply raises her eyebrows at that, but doesn't comment and puts a frozen chicken into the microwave, setting it for the defrost. As she moves around kitchen, occupied with the process of cooking, she almost forgets about Shawn sitting there. He reminds her about himself when he speaks up.

'Who is this guy, anyway?' he asks, and Beth freezes for a moment, hoping he would not start being overprotective like he usually did back in high school.

'I don't think you know him.'

'It's a small town.'

Beth knows it was not a good excuse anyway. She doesn't know how to tell him. It's not like she is ashamed of loving Daryl, it's more of a concern of Shawn's opinions of him being clouded by other people's judgement. People who have no idea what kind of person Daryl is. But she knows if she doesn't tell him, it will seem like a big deal, and she wants her brother to take her and Daryl seriously.

'Daryl Dixon,' she says and gives him a soft smile, trying to show Shawn it's his chance to be open-minded.

'Oh, Dixon…' he whistles and shakes his head, and that makes Beth fold her arms defensively. 'I'm not judging, Bethy,' he says after seeing a change in Beth's posture, 'I just hope you know what you're doing.'

'I do and I'd appreciate it if you gave him a chance,' she retorts with fire in her eyes.

'We'll see how it goes tonight,' he smiles and gets up, and Beth relaxes a little. 'You best make sure that chicken is perfect if you decide to bribe me,' he says, heading out.

'You're an ass, Shawn!' Beth exclaims and throws a kitchen towel at him (she misses, of course). She can't help but smile though as she starts peeling sweet potatoes.

* * *

As Maggie helps her set everything on the table, Beth can't stop biting on her nails. Shawn is here, so is daddy, and Glenn, and Jenny, and Otis, and Patricia, and even Jimmy (unfortunately), but not Daryl. She is trying not to doubt him, but the thought that maybe he just bailed on her keeps creeping into her mind.

Maggie turns around and slaps her hand lightly.

'Stop it,' she says. 'He'll be here.'

'You think?'

'Of course. Who knows, maybe something happened? Maybe he broke a leg or something?' she shrugs with a smirk.

'Not helping,' Beth gives her a glare but stops biting on her nails and grabs a set of plates from the cupboard above the sink. 'By the way, I do appreciate you giving him a second chance.'

'Well, if daddy did, I figured I just have to,' she smirks again, and Beth feels warmth spreading in her chest. She loves her family so much.

It's then that she hears a familiar roar of the bike.

'Told ya-' Maggie begins to say, but Beth doesn't listen to her finishing the sentence, because at this point, nothing can stop her from sprinting to the front door and out of the house. She rushes towards him just as he puts his bike to stop, and he doesn't even get the chance to get off before she flies at him and throws her arms around his neck.

'You came.'

Daryl doesn't stiffen at her impulsive display of affection, but hesitates for a moment, before hugging her back. She realises that everyone is probably watching them out of the window.

'I promised.'

Beth pulls away and grins at him.

'Come on,' she takes his hand with both of hers and starts pulling on him back to the house. 'They can't wait to meet you.'

She pretends she doesn't hear him snort sarcastically, and as they come in, everyone is standing in the hallway. Beth doesn't let go of his left hand as she introduces him to Hershel, making sure that his right hand is free for a handshake.

'Nice to meet you, sir,' Daryl says, and Beth realises how nervous he really is.

'Please, call me Hershel,' daddy replies, and something tells her it's a good sign.

Beth goes on, introducing Daryl to Shawn, Glenn, Jenny, Patricia, Otis, and even Jimmy. She does hope that Jimmy will stay civil because, no matter what, he is important to her family, but when she introduces Daryl to him, he just walks off, heading to the kitchen with an obvious _I've had enough_ sort of attitude. Everyone else stays nice though, and Maggie even gives Daryl a small smile, which means a lot to Beth.

During the dinner, Daryl doesn't talk much, only answering the question others ask him directly. He keeps to himself, and Beth gives his hand an encouraging squeeze under that table from time to time. Everyone compliments Beth's cooking, and daddy doesn't seem to push Daryl into any conversations too much. He does tell him they need to talk privately after everyone is done with the food. It takes Beth an incredible amount of strength (and Maggie's threatening glare) to stop her from eavesdropping on what her father has to say.

Daddy walks out with a confident smile, and afterwards, Beth will realise that everything went surprisingly fine.

'What did he say to you?' Beth asks, when Daryl and she walk out onto the porch and head to his bike.

'Asked what my intentions are.'

'And what did you say?'

'You don't expect me to tell you everything, do ya?' Daryl smirks, turning to face her as they reach his bike.

'Oh, come on,' Beth rolls her eyes in discontent. 'The curiosity will kill me.'

'Well, that's too bad,' he says with a light chuckle, and Beth grins up at him.

'Thank you for doing this.'

Daryl shrugs and looks away.

'Ain't nothing.'

Beth decides to put it aside for now, knowing that Daryl doesn't like when people are grateful. That's one of the things about she will never understand but has already learned to accept.

'You wanna do something tomorrow?' he asks, and Beth smiles again.

'You mean a date?'

He shrugs one more time.

'Figured we don't have to be sneaking around anymore.'

'I'd love that,' she says, standing on tiptoes and giving him a quick peck on the lips.

Daryl gives her a small smile too and gets on his bike.

'I'll pick you up at seven,' he says.

'Deal,' she says with a grin.

As Beth watches him drive off and disappear in the dark, she wonders when her life has become so great. She doesn't question it too much though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed, and let me know what you think!   
> Love, Kate xxx


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this was my first time writing from Daryl's POV (apart from that little bit in the first chapter), and holy shit this was hard. Honestly, I am the kind of girl who is all about flowers, hair, makeup, and dresses and I genuinely cannot imagine how men like him feel... anything, to be frank. But I tried my best and I would love to know what you guys think about it.  
> Furthermore, I just wanted to let you know that next chapter will probably be the last one. I never intended to make this story long, since it is more about what happened in the past, rather than what is happening right now, so eight chapters seem like enough for me.  
> Thirdly, a reader let me know that I use British spelling in many words, and I apologize for that. I try my best to adapt my writing to American English more, but it is really hard to think about every single word, especially when you are writing at three in the morning (which is what I do most of the times).
> 
> I was actually listening to "A little party never killed nobody" by Fergie on repeat as I wrote this. (Just thought I'd tell you.) Give it a go, by the way, if you are not familiar with it.  
> Okay, I have rambled quite a bit, so let's do this. Here we go.

Regardless of what other people think of him, Daryl Dixon is not stupid. He knows he does not deserve Beth Greene's love in the slightest, and just that knowledge becomes his worst enemy. Every morning that he wakes up to her in his bed next to him, he thinks that maybe it's just a dream. A beautiful dream that will end sooner than he wants it to. Every time she leaves his cabin, he thinks that she might never come back, and even though that thought echoes with a painful tug on his heart, he knows he will do nothing to stop her if she decides to leave him. Has no right to stop her.

Daryl comes to think that it might be easier to be the one to end it. On his terms. Only when he does end it, it appears to be the biggest mistake he has ever made.

He honestly expects Beth to slap him or say that she hates him, or that she should have never trusted him in the first place. She does no such thing though and instead, she just looks him in the eyes and cries silently, heavy tears running down her cheeks. He ignores it when something jerks painfully in his chest at the sight of that.

'It was just about sex,' he says, and the words taste bitter on his tongue.

'No,' she breathes out. 'I don't believe you. I know you love me.'

'I ever told ya that?' Daryl exclaims, and the fact that he said something like that out loud makes him feel like shit. She takes a step back as if he just hit her, wrapping her arms around herself defensively.

Beth looks him in the eye one last time, and there is so much pain in her gaze that Daryl suddenly feels like it suffocates him. She keeps looking at him as if searching for something vital, the flow of tears never ending, and just as he is about to fall onto his knees and start begging for her forgiveness, she looks away.

As Beth walk out on him, Daryl feels like he wants to cry too. Probably, for the first time in his adult life.

* * *

The two years Daryl without her become one big blur. All the bright colours the world seemed to be filled with when Beth was there suddenly vanish, leaving his life as grey and depressing as Hitchcock's movie. He will never say it to anyone, but he misses her every day. Misses her smile, her sparkling eyes, her quiet singing, and soft whispers during the nights they spent together. He misses her constant flow of energy and enthusiasm for life, and without her, days become routine, time killing him slowly, like quicksand. He also misses her belief in goodness in him, her constant ability to make his heart beat faster, and her talent to make him smile (because no one can stand a chance of being constantly grumpy when Beth Greene is around).

He only realises it after she's gone, but her love made him feel like he was a good man. That he might be worth loving at all. And without her, the feeling of despair returns and he helplessly welcomes it in, letting it sit tightly in his heart.

For a long time, it seems like his cabin is filled with her sweet scent, and that keeps him awake at nights because the second he closes his eyes, he remembers her face as he tells her he doesn't love her. The way her eyes lost that beautiful sparkling, lost that fire. He still doesn't doubt that her feeling for him were just temporary, but he knows he hurt her nevertheless. All this thinking makes him even more certain that he never deserved anything like that from her in the first place, so that probably means he did the right thing. Does it always hurt like a bitch when you do the right thing? He doesn't know.

He believes he is starting to go crazy. He remembers her voice, her soft humming, her laugh, and it keeps sounding in his head. He hears it so clearly sometimes that he thinks he probably should get locked up in a rehab.

Between the moment she leaves his cabin and the moment he sees her in the shop, he loses track of time. He knows it must have been two years or so, but doesn't know for sure.

When Daryl notices her, he assumes that he is hallucinating and definitely needs help of a professional. He sees her standing by the freezers, and even though she is facing backwards and is a bit far away, he recognises her instantly. He is positive he's actually gone crazy, until Beth's sister Maggie calls her, 'Bethy!' from the other side and she whips her head to look at her sister.

She looks different. She hasn't changed much, but she still looks different. Her hair is longer, it's pulled up in a high bun, and Daryl suddenly finds himself missing her messy ponytails with a single braid always in them. She used to wear cowboy boots or converse, but right now, he is surprised to notice that she has wedge-heeled shoes, and he frowns because it feels wrong. She looks beautiful, but much less herself.

Feeling like some old and creepy son of a bitch, Daryl follows her when she takes a turn. She turns around, looking for something, and it's then that she notices him. Her eyes widen when she sees him, her lips part in surprise, and she takes a small step back, as if she is afraid of him. That makes Daryl feel shittier than ever. Whatever he has done, he never wanted her to be afraid of him. But he guesses her deserves it. Daryl realises that he just keeps staring at her, and after a few moments of awkward silence pass, she tenses even more. And then he sees her smile, and that nearly knocks him unconscious. Why would she smile at him? Shouldn't she hate him?

'Hi,' Beth says almost in a whisper and gives him a small, _friendly_ wave.

Apparently, Beth's sister Maggie has been standing there too because she suddenly murmurs something about cornflakes and disappears, and Daryl can swear he sees Beth's shoulders lift up defensively. She is probably not expecting him to say anything, but Daryl can't help himself.

'Didn't know you were back in town,' he says, sounding like a complete moron. It's probably the stupidest thing a person can say in a situation like this. Some sort of surprise passes through her eyes, and he realises that they still seem empty, without that pretty sparkling in them.

He immediately puts down any hopes that might raise in his heart. Of course she is over him, years have passed, and a girl like Beth would never stay without attention for too long. She has probably met a guy, worthy of her time and affection. Besides, he knows what happened to her father and realises that maybe that is the direct cause of sadness he can see somewhere deep in her eyes.

'I've only arrived two hours ago,' he hears her soft voice, and it makes his heart clench with pain inside him.

Daryl tells her he is sorry for her father, even though she is probably not interested in anything he has to say. He just feels like he needs to say it. She deserves people to care about her.

He keeps staring, taking her in greedily, when she speaks up again.

'I have to go find Maggie,' she points somewhere behind her. 'We can't leave daddy alone for too long. It was nice seeing you, Daryl,' Beth adds, and Daryl tries his best not to let himself believe in her words too much. Just because she is polite doesn't mean she is happy to see him. Before he comes up with an answer, she spins away, the hem of her light blue dress twirling around her legs, and walks away, leaving Daryl startled.

* * *

To say that Daryl is surprised when Beth shows up at the garage next day is an understatement. He doesn't want to make it awkward, so he just starts fixing the truck. It takes him a few hours, but there is nothing too hard about it. He enjoys fixing cars, it makes him feel like he is in control of something for once. Beth keeps talking to him and asking generic questions, and he would be surprised by that if it was someone else, but he knows her. Beth can't stay in silence for too long, she is too excited for life. Too excited to share her excitement with others.

When Beth asks him whether he is happy, he doesn't know what to say at first. He doesn't think he is, he has not been happy for a long time. Ever since he pushed her away. But he doesn't want her to feel sorry for him or anything (especially since it's his own fault), so he just shrugs. He asks her the same question and freezes, waiting for her answer. She tells him she is, in fact, happy, and even though the way she looks tell him different, he is glad to hear that. No matter what, he wants her to be happy. She deserves it.

Daryl knows he is no good with females or at talking, or at talking to females, for that matter. But he knows Beth and he remembers how jealous she used to get when Amy would keep trying to flirt with him. Daryl always used to say that he is not interested in Amy anyway, and Beth had nothing to worry about. But he remembers the look she used to have when she was afraid something would happen between them. How her hands would start shaking slightly, and she would occupy them with something to hide her worry.

When Amy jumps in on their conversation, he notices Beth wince a little. And then she does it. Starts going through the stuff in her purse, as if she is trying to find something. To a stranger that performance might look convincing, but Daryl knows her well enough to tell that she is worried. She can't be jealous though. No way. Maybe it's just bad memories. Maybe she still dislikes Amy. (And he wouldn't blame her.) He keeps repeating that to himself for the whole day afterwards, but can't help the fact that it plants some doubt in his heart already.

* * *

Daryl starts doubting everything he believed for the last two years even more, when he finds Beth outside the pharmacy next morning. He just had his breakfast at the diner and is heading to the small grocery shop two doors down to buy some smokes. He sees Beth standing next to the truck, and he watches her swallow some pills and then wash them down with a few gulps of water. It's hot as sin outside, but she is wearing a warm cardigan. The combination of both gets him worried, and he comes closer.

'Beth?' he hears himself say, and when she turns around, he can't help but flinch at the sight. She looks so tired and broken that he feels his heart hammer against his ribcage in fear. He's never seen her so… crushed. It reminds him of the scar she has on her left wrist, and the thought that if she is under so much stress she might do something, scares the crap out of him.

Beth starts saying that she is sick of him toying with her, and it seems like she is letting that out for the first time. Like she had no one to talk to about it, and was left alone to deal with her broken heart. And he knows it's his fault and understands her anger perfectly. He tries to think of something to do to help her, to shield her and protect, even if it means protecting her from himself.

When Daryl pulls her in for a hug, she starts pushing him away with such anger and despair, he feels like the biggest douchebag in the world. He did this to her. To the girl who gave him her heart, without asking anything in return. He knows how much she went through in the past few years and thinks that what he did only made everything worse. He is grateful she is still here, that she was strong enough to not be tempted to finish what she has started when she was left alone.

She keeps sobbing, and he just keeps standing there, holding her close, allowing her let it all out. As he brings her home, all the walls he has built around him over last two years start shaking.

* * *

It all crumbles in two weeks, when Beth, already recovered, shows up at the garage again. He doesn't call her or visit, deciding she doesn't need any extra stress to stop her from getting better. When he notices her, she is about to leave, and he says her name just to keep her there. He feels like a selfish piece of shit but he wants to talk to her, to look at her. Oddly enough, she looks more like her old self. Her eyes reflect on the smile on her lips, and the yellow floral dress she is wearing makes her look like an angel.

Daryl says he wants to talk to her, but when they walk to the tables at the back, he still has no idea what he is going to say. And then he does it again. Says a stupid thing that obviously hurts her, and she slaps him on the face. He just stares at her as he hears ringing in his ears, and when he sees her start crying again, it's like his heart shutters into pieces. It seems like no matter what he does, he just keeps hurting her. So when she is about to disappear, he takes a risk and does something he thought he would never do again. He grabs her hand and kisses her.

Beth tastes just like she tasted two years ago: sweet, warm, and innocent, and he is not a good job of hiding a delighted growl, that is building up somewhere in his chest. She responds immediately and clings to him as if her life depends on it. He feels her tears in their kiss, and it's then that he realises that there is no way she is over him. Over them. She probably still loves him, and it's not selfish of him to want to kiss her right now. It was selfish of him to push her away in the first place. Realising how much pain he caused for this girl, and all for nothing, he pulls away to look at her.

She doesn't open her eyes for a few moments, and he notices that her nose is reddened from crying, her cheeks are stained with tears, her hair is a mess, but she is the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. He doesn't try and stop himself from kissing her again and this time he tries to be as gentle as possible. The kiss is soft – the kind that takes your breath away, just because of how much meaning is put into it.

He apologises, thinking that she will probably never forgive him (and will be right), but he does it anyway, and that causes a spark of fear in her eyes. She is probably thinking that he is going to push her away again, but he has already decided. He will not leave his side until (if) she tells him she doesn't want him anymore.

And when he promises to call her, he finally sees her eyes to start sparkling again, and for the first time in many years there is nothing heavy on his mind.

* * *

As Daryl follows Hershel out of the house and onto the porch, he feels his palms starting to sweat. He doesn't know why the man even let him into his house after he broke Beth's heart. He must really trust Beth's judgement to be so open-minded.

They come up to the handrails and stop there. Daryl is tense and he is waiting for Hershel to speak.

'You know,' Hershel says, his gaze fixed on something in the dark. 'It always amazed me how open to other people she is.'

He couldn't agree more.

'I was always afraid it would be her burden,' he continues. 'People with such warm hearts usually get hurt on regular basis.'

Daryl tries his best to keep his gaze in place when Hershel looks at him. The guilt starts suffocating him again, but he doesn't say anything, just remains quiet, waiting for anything else Hershel has to say.

'Were you the reason why Bethy left town?' he asks, and Daryl almost flinches at that question.

'Yeah,' he says, unable to lie. Not to Beth's father. He needs to do this right.

'And what are your intentions with her now?' is Hershel's next question, and Daryl can't help but feel surprised by the fact he didn't comment on that fact he broke his daughter's heart.

He knows this is a test, and that a lot depends on his answer. So he decides to go for the truth.

'Look, I know what I did is unforgivable,' he takes a deep breath before he continues. 'But Beth means the world to me, and I'd do anything to make her happy.'

Daryl can't help but think that if Merle was here he would probably call him a pussy or something along those lines for actually his feelings with someone. But he doesn't care. Hershel needs to know he is not going to do anything to harm Beth.

'Yes, it's obvious you are crazy about her. And she loves you,' Hershel says and gives Daryl a calm and warm smile. 'But if you ever make her unhappy like that again? I'll put a gun to your forehead, and don't you doubt that.'

'Deal,' Daryl says simply because he honestly agrees with that.

'Good,' Hershel nods approvingly and walks off, leaving him standing there.

Daryl doesn't know what he ever did to earn the treasure of Beth's love, but he is not going to question it anymore. He decides he will concentrate on making her happy and showing her every day how much he values her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, and please, review!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I can't believe it, but it's actually here. I've finished this story. Wrote this chapter with laryngitis, no voice, and high fever, but why not? :)  
> I've suddenly decided to bring in that M rating, and I should probably tell you that this is the first time I've written anything remotly similar to smut, so don't judge me too much, okay? But definitely tell me what you think about it because I just have to know.  
> I also want to thank everyone who read, commented, followed, subscribed, and just been there for me throughout this story. I love every single one of you and can't wait to see you in my other stories coming!

_Another world must be unfurled,_  
_Another language known,_  
 _Ere tongue or sound can publish round_  
 _Her charms of flesh and bone._

**Jane Austen, _Mock Panegyric on a Young Freind_**

* * *

 

Beth makes it up the porch steps and hunches down to find the key under an empty flower pot. She smiles while she does it. Two years, and nothing has changed.

She opens the front door, steps in, and quietly shuts it. She then tiptoes to the bedroom, trying to be silent because Daryl has always been a ridiculously light sleeper. Somehow, she manages to open the door without waking him.

Beth freezes to the spot when she sees him; he is lying on his back, head tilted to the side, and covers only reaching up to his lower abdomen. She almost forgot how peaceful he looks when he's asleep. His usual frown is gone, his lips slightly parted, and his chest rising and falling with his breathing. The night is hot, and she wonders if his skin is hot too. She realises how much she wants to touch him, run her hands up his back, kiss his bare chest and broad shoulders. But that will _definitely_ wake him.

Beth silently slides off her ballet flats and carefully lies down next to Daryl on her side, resting her cheek on her palm, and observing his face. As she moves a little to adjust her position, the bed creaks slightly, and his eyes fly open.

"Sorry," Beth smiles. "Didn't mean to wake you."

He turns, rolling to his side, and blinks a few times, as if he thinks it's some sort of dream. And when he is completely awake, he knits his brows, his facial expression adopting a hint of worry. Beth realises she can't help herself when her hand flies to his forehead, and her forefinger traces that fold that she loves so much. She loves all of him. She never knew she could feel something as strong as this, but it seems like her heart is about to explode inside her – that's how much it aches every time she looks at him.

"Is everything okay?" he asks, observing her face carefully.

Her smile grows wider. "Yeah. I just couldn't sleep. Wanted to see you."

Suddenly, Beth feels stupid. If showing up at your boyfriend's cabin at two in the morning isn't clingy, she doesn't know what is. She just hopes Daryl understands. And judging by how his shoulders seem to relax, and his frown almost disappears, he does.

"Hershel know you're here?"

Beth's hand moves, and she palms his cheek. Every single touch makes her fingers tingle.

She loves it.

She shakes her head. "I snuck out."

His lips twitch in a smile. "Why couldn't you sleep?"

She rolls a shoulder.

"I've just been thinking."

"Tell me," he says quietly, and just the fact that he cares causes a pang in her heart. But it's a good one. A happy one.

"How grey and monotonously sad my life had been, before I returned home," she pauses. "You know, in California, everything felt so… wrong. I mean… everything was bright, beautiful, and full of life, but it didn't feel right for me. Even singing didn't make me as happy as it used to. And then, I came back home, and my life was suddenly exciting again. It was painful… very painful, but colourful."

Beth falls quiet, and silence between them is almost deafening, with their soft breathing woven into it. Usually, she feels comfortable being silent with him. But right now, she desperately wants him to say something. Anything. Tell her how he feels.

But he remains still, and Beth feels her heart jerk painfully at that. He cares, she knows he does. But what she wants (which might be selfish of her) is to be positive her feelings are reciprocated. If he just said something, at least once, that would be enough. She is tired of doubting, tired of hoping, tired of thinking about it and overthinking it.

She sighs softly. "How were your two years without me?"

Beth notices a shift of expression on Daryl's face, and her heart races again. Somehow, she is afraid of his answer.

He takes a deep breath. "Not great. Felt like life ain't worth the trouble."

Beth freezes at that, and starts blinking faster, trying to hold back the tears.

"It was like that for me too. At some point, I thought I had become a ghost and hadn't noticed it. Just kept doing everything I knew I had to do, without meaning to it."

She only realises she's crying when his thumb carefully brushes her cheeks, wiping a tear away.

"I'm sorry."

Those words result in heavier flow of tears and quiet sobs. She doesn't need his apologies, she has forgiven him long time ago. She tries to remind herself it's not about words, it's about his actions. She needs to judge by things he has done for her. He has met her father, he promised he would never leave her again, he made love to her almost every night since that first time. But her heart throbs with pain as she starts feeling desperate.

He is not used to being loved, he might not even know how to love in return. He might _never love her_.

As her sobs get more loud, Daryl wraps his arm around her shoulders and pulls her closer to himself. Beth rests her head on his chest, and her tears mixed with ruined makeup start dripping on him. She feels Daryl kiss crown of her head.

"I love you, Beth."

At that, her crying stops. She remains silent for a few moments, not sure whether he actually said that or it was just her imagination screwing with her. But then, his fingers touch her chin carefully, turning her face so that their eyes meet. He leans in and kisses her face, wiping her tears away with his lips. Beth's heart seems to stop the moment his lips brush her skin. _Does he?_

"Do you?" she voices her thoughts. She doesn't care if she sounds desperate because she is. Besides, if anyone can understand, it's Daryl.

He doesn't seem surprised by her question and why would he be? He never told her how he felt about her. He doesn't say anything to that, she just suddenly feels his lips on hers, and it sends a familiar rush of electricity through her body. She sighs softly and palms his cheek, trying to press herself as closely to him as possible. The whole world fades away.

It suddenly occurs to her, that she must look weird. Smudged makeup, red nose, and puffy eyes. But she can't bring herself to care. Daryl loves her, that's all that matters.

She thinks of all the things they haven't yet done together. Attend a 4th of July carnival. Spend Christmas and New Year with one another. Celebrate each other's birthdays with her family and Daryl being able to be there. Take a swim with him. Go horse riding. _Live together._

She wants to share all those things with him, and more. She wants to be his wife, carry his children, grow old with him. She wants him to understand how much she loves him, but right now it's not the right time. He is not ready for it, he needs to get used to people caring about him, wanting to be with him. It breaks her heart, but Daryl doesn't believe that he can make someone happy.

Beth suddenly remembers one of her psychology classes in college, where they learned about children and emotions. How one of the experiments showed that if parents leave their babies to cry themselves to sleep and don't pay much attention in general, kids grow up to be independent from their mothers' protection, never seeking solace next to them, and also struggle with expressing their emotions, simply not knowing how to do it. Kids just come to think that if their parents don't care about their feelings, then no one will. Beth's mother has always been very affectionate and raised Beth and Shawn to be the same, so Beth could never understand how some people managed to hide their emotions so easily. Growing up, she never had that toughness within her. The experiment, however, didn't say anything about children who were simply afraid of their parents, like Daryl used to be. What happens to a little boy who always keeps to himself, just in case if saying something might anger his father and cause yet another beating? She can't even imagine.

Beth knows it's hard for Daryl, and he is trying, so she is going to be patient. She is going to spend her whole life teaching him how to love and how to be loved if she has to. She will never give up on him.

All her thoughts vanish the second his tongue swipes across her lower lip, and she lets out a deep and throaty moan, not even recognising her own voice. She rolls her hips unconsciously and lets her fingers tangle in Daryl's hair. A few moments – and he is on top of her, and it suddenly occurs to Beth that no matter how great sex with Daryl always is, this time is special. His confession, the fact that he does love her, and she can be sure of it, gives her that indescribably euphoric feeling, and all her senses sharpen, making every move, every touch, and every grind feel so intense she almost melts under his arms, so all she can do is keep whispering his name like mantra.

When Daryl slides inside her, she almost screams at the sensation. Not for the first time she is grateful that his cabin is detached and only surrounded by trees, not a single soul for miles. She suddenly wishes they could just stay like this forever – with him inside her. If they did, she would be the happiest human in the world.

Their panting becomes more desperate, and a familiar heaviness starts building up in her lower abdomen. She doesn't notice his hand sliding down her stomach and only feels sharp wave of heat strike her when he rubs her clit in a circling motion. That sends her over the edge, and she screams his name and shakes violently, with him coming inside her a few moments after.

For a few minutes after, he doesn't roll of her, and she just enjoys the weight of his body on top of hers. They are both sweaty, and their skin is hot, and it feels incredible.

"I love you," she says, when he is lying next to her, her head resting on his shoulder.

Daryl kisses her forehead and doesn't say anything to that, but she can feel his smile on her skin, and that's enough for her. She doesn't have a problem with saying it hundred times a day but she is not going to push him.

As Beth lies there, her breathing slowing down, she suddenly thinks that when they have kids, she won't able to get so loud every time she has a moment alone with Daryl. She giggles softly at that. She can't wait.

"What's funny?" Daryl asks, his forefinger circling the scar on her wrist. He doesn't sound offended, just curious.

"It's nothing," Beth shakes her head slightly. She doesn't know if she should say it out loud. He might not like it.

"Tell me," Daryl insists softly.

Beth takes a deep breath.

"I just thought that when- _if_ we have kids, we won't be able to get as loud anymore."

Because of her position, she can't see his face, and the silence that occurs is almost deafening. Her heart is already thrumming against her ribcage in fear, and she starts regretting saying it, when he speaks.

"You want to have kids with me?" he asks.

She nods. "I do."

He remains quiet for a moment. "You're crazy, girl," he says, but there is amusement in his voice which follows by a light chuckle, rumbling somewhere deep in his chest, and she smiles at that and kisses his shoulder.

"I love you," she says again and closes her eyes, taking a deep breath, filling her lungs with his smell.

"I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...and that's it! Thank you so much for reading, and tell me what you think!

**Author's Note:**

> Please make sure to let me know what you think.


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